Akhlaq lil Banin jilid 1
WHAT ARE THE MORALS THAT CHILDREN SHOULD HAVE?
- A child must have good manners from a young age, so that he lives to be loved when he grows up, blessed by his Lord, loved by his family and all people.
- He must also avoid bad manners, so as not to become a hated person, not be displeased by his Lord, not be hated by his family, and not be hated by anyone.
- A polite child respects his parents and teachers, his older siblings and everyone older than him. He should love his younger brothers and sisters and everyone who is younger than him.
- He should speak the truth, be humble towards everyone, be patient in the face of harassment and not break off relations with children. He should not quarrel with them and should not raise his voice when speaking or laughing.
A disrespectful child is one who is not polite to his parents and teachers. He does not respect his elders and does not love his younger children.
He lies when he speaks and raises his voice when he laughs. He likes to swear and speak badly and quarrel.
He likes to mock others and be arrogant towards them, is not ashamed of doing bad deeds and does not listen to advice.
CHILDREN SHOULD BE POLITE FROM CHILDHOOD
Ahmad was a young boy, but he was polite. That’s why he was loved by his father. He also liked to ask questions about everything he didn’t understand.
One day he was traveling with his father in a garden. He saw a beautiful rose tree, but it was crooked. Ahmad said, “How beautiful this tree is. But, O my father, why is it crooked? His father replied, “Because the gardener did not pay attention to straightening it from childhood, it became crooked.” Ahmad said, “It is better that we straighten it now.” His father laughed and said to him, “That is not possible O my son, for it has grown big and thick.”
Likewise, a child who is not polite when he is young is unlikely to be educated when he grows up.
- O noble child! Allah SWT has created you and perfected your form by giving you two eyes to see everything and two ears to listen to sounds and a tongue to speak, two hands for you to use in your various works, two legs to walk, a mind to know what is good and what is bad.
He gave you the blessing of health and put love in the hearts of your parents so that you were educated with a good education.
- So it is obligatory for you to glorify your Lord and love Him, and be grateful for His favors, by obeying His commands and avoiding His prohibitions.
You must also glorify His angels, His Messengers and Prophets and His righteous servants and love them, because Allah loves them.
- When you love your Lord, obey His commands and stay away from His prohibitions, He increases His favors upon you and makes people love you and guard you from any harm and gives you everything you desire in terms of sustenance and so on.
Muhammad was an honest boy. He feared Allah and obeyed His commands.
One day his sister Su’ad said to him, “Brother, our father has left the house. Let us open the food cupboard to eat some delicious food. Our father does not see us.”
Muhammad answered, “Yes, my brother. The father does not see us, but you do not know that Allah sees us.
Beware of this kind of misconduct, for if you take something without your father’s consent, Allah will be angry with you and will punish you.”
So Su’ad was afraid and ashamed of his bad intentions. He said, “Your words are true, O my brother. I thank you very much for this good advice.”
Hasan was an obedient boy. He always performed his five daily prayers on time. He always attended school, read the Qur’an, studied lessons at home. Therefore, he was loved by his father and mother, his teachers and everyone.
When he goes to sleep, he is accustomed to mentioning the name of Allah and giving thanks, because Allah protected him throughout the day from calamity and harm. Then he would say, “By Your name, Allah, I live and I die.” When he wakes up, he thanks Allah for the pleasure of sleep. When he wakes up, he thanks Allah for the enjoyment of sleep and says: “Praise be to Allah, who revives us after He has put us to death, and to Him we shall be resurrected.”
It was also his custom to say, “In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful,” when he was about to eat. When he had finished eating, he thanked Allah for the blessing of eating, knowing that Allah had provided the food for him. He would say, “Praise be to Allah who gave me this food, and He provided me with sustenance without any power or strength on my part.”
How happy is this obedient child, he is pleased by Allah, and Allah will include him in Paradise.
PROPHET MUHAMMAD SAW
- O civilized child! As you are required to glorify your Lord, so you are required to glorify your Prophet (SAW) and fill your heart with love for him, so that you love him more than you love your parents and yourself. For it was he who taught us the religion of Islam and by means of which we came to know our Lord and could distinguish between the lawful and the unlawful. And because Allah Ta’ala loved him, He made him the best human being and a role model for us in manners.
- If you love your Prophet, then follow him in his ways and practice his advice so that you may earn Allah’s love and pleasure.
MANNERS IN THE HOUSE
- Every child must observe good manners in his home by respecting his parents, brothers and sisters and everyone in the house.
He must not do anything that angers one of them and must not fight with his elder brother and must not quarrel with his younger brother and must not disturb the servants of the house.
When he plays, he plays in an orderly manner, without shouting and acting in a way that is not appropriate for him, especially when someone in the house is sleeping or sick.
- He should take care of the utensils of the house. He should not break any crockery or break any doors, and he should not damage any plants.
If he has a cat or chicken, then he should also give them food and drink and not disturb them.
ABDULLAH IN HIS HOUSE
Abdullah was a model of good manners and order in his house. He took a bath every morning and evening. He paid attention to the cleanliness of his clothes and books, and placed them neatly in a special place. He did not blow his nose on his clothes or on the wall, but on a handkerchief, and did not spit on the floor, or dirty the doors, or write on the walls or climb trees. He does not play by throwing stones so as not to break windows or disturb others.
Abdullah shook the hands of his parents and brothers and sisters every morning and evening. He did not enter anyone’s room without permission, he did not like to sit with servants, and did not tell anyone about what was happening in his house.
Among his good habits are going to bed at the beginning of the night and getting up early in the morning, maintaining his prayers and learning his lessons. He does not play, except at playtime and he always listens to the advice of his father and mother.
Thus Abdullah will gain the pleasure of both his parents and his family. He will live happily with them.
YOUR LOVING MOTHER
- Know, my son, that your mother labored much for your sake. She carried you for nine months in her belly, then suckled you and nurtured you with good care until you grew up. She cleans your body and clothes, prepares your bed and food and guards you from every harm.
- Your mother doted on you and loved you very much. She hoped that you would be the best child. Even with hardships, she is patient for your sake and happy with you. She rejoices when she sees you in good health and safety. She grieves if you are sad or sick. She tries hard to prepare medicine and pray for your recovery. She is not satisfied or relieved unless you are fully recovered.
- Look at your young brother, how your mother took pains to nurture him and how she loved him so that you may know how you were as a child.
A CHILD’S MANNERS TOWARDS HIS MOTHER
- O civilized son! When you know the labor of your mother in raising you and the amount of love she has for you, then what will you repay her with?
Of course, you cannot repay your mother. Your duty is to practice this courtesy.
- You obey his commands with love and respect. You do everything that pleases him. You smile in his presence and shake his hand every day and wish him a long life in good health.
- You should be wary of anything that hurts his heart. Do not make a frowning face when he tells you to do something or gets angry with you. Do not lie to him or swear at him or speak bad words in his presence, or look at him with a sharp look and do not raise your voice above his.
When you ask your mother for something, do not ask her in the presence of guests. If she refuses you, then keep quiet. Do not get angry, cry or grumble against her.
PIOUS AND HIS MOTHER
Shaleh was a son who was devoted to his mother. One day his mother was sick. Shaleh was very sad. He asked permission from his teachers to stay with her at home and serve her, as he had no female servants.
Sometimes Shaleh bought medicine for her from the pharmacy and other times he bought food for her and fruit from the market. He served her the food or medicine she needed and comforted her with kind words. After a few days, his mother recovered from her illness. Shaleh was overjoyed, and continued to pray to Allah to protect his mother and preserve her health.
YOUR MERCIFUL FATHER
- Know, O praiseworthy son! Verily your father loves you as much as your mother. He goes out every day from the house with patience for fatigue and heat. He goes to the shop or market to earn money which he spends on you. He bought clothes and food and everything you needed. Even so she is happy and joyful.
- Your father takes care of your health and guards you against everything that bothers you. When you are sick, he is very sad. He calls a doctor for you and buys medicine for you. He is not happy unless you recover. He always prayed to Allah for you, that Allah would give you health and safety.
- Your father thinks about your education all the time. So he sent you to school and bought books and learning tools for you, so that in the future you would be a man of perfect knowledge and manners, useful to himself and his people.
CHILDREN’S MANNERS TOWARDS THEIR CHILDREN
- O beloved son! You should be courteous to your father as you are courteous to your mother, obey his commands and listen to his advice, for he does not enjoin you except from that which is beneficial to you, and he does not forbid you except from that which is harmful to you.
- You should always seek his pleasure by taking care of your books and your clothes and all your study utensils. You set them in their places and do not remove anything from them. You should be diligent in reading your lessons.
You should do everything in and out of the house that pleases him, and do not force your father to buy anything for you. Do not annoy one of your brothers, male or female.
- If you please your parents, then your Lord will please you and you will live happily in this world and the next.
There was a man who had a stubborn son. Often his father told him not to bother animals or climb trees, but he didn’t listen to him.
One day he hit a cat. So the cat bit his leg, injuring him and he was in great pain. He could neither sleep nor eat because of the pain. So his father called a doctor, and suffered a great loss in doctor’s fees and medicine. But his father did not care about that, because he wanted his son to get well soon.\
After some time the boy recovered. So the son repented of his bad habits and promised his father to always take his advice and not oppose him, so that he was safe from harm and he lived happily.
CHILDREN’S MANNERS TOWARDS THEIR SIBLINGS
- Your brothers and sisters are the people closest to you after your parents. If you want your father and mother to be happy with you, then be polite to them by respecting your older brothers and older sisters and loving them with sincere love. You follow their advice.
And pity your little brothers and your little sisters and love them with true love. Do not annoy them by hitting or swearing at them. Do not break off relations with them or break their toys, for that will anger your parents.
- Similarly, you should not fight with your brother or sister about going to the bathroom or using a toy or sitting on a chair or anything else. Be patient and always give in. This will please your parents and earn their approval.
- Forgive your brother if he has done wrong and gently point out the mistake so that he will not do it again. Abstain from much joking, for it causes resentment and enmity.
TWO BROTHERS WHO LOVE EACH OTHER
Ali and Ahmad are two brothers who love each other. They go to school together. Both help each other to fulfill their obligations. Both read their lessons at home and at school, and play together at playtime.
One day Ali bought two books, “BIMBING AKHLAK” so he asked his father, “O my father, please tell me where is my brother Ahmad? I want to give him one of these books.” His father was delighted and told him that his brother was in the study room.
So Ali went quickly to the study room, where his brother was repeating his lessons. Ali greeted him and gave him a book. Smiling happily, Ahmad accepted it, thanking his brother for his precious gift.
Then Ahmad gave Ali a small box in which a pencil was kept. He said, “This is my gift to you, my noble brother.” Ali was very pleased with his brother and was happy to receive the box and thanked him.
When the teacher heard the story, he was very happy with the two boys and praised them in front of the students. He said, “O children, look at Ali and Ahmad, how happy they are. Be all of you like these two brothers so that you may live happy and contented lives.”
CHILDREN’S MANNERS TOWARDS THEIR RELATIVES
- A wise and beloved child is one who respects his relatives, such as: Grandfather, Grandmother, Uncle and Aunt. He loves them because they love him, and he loves his parents.
- He would always please his relatives by obeying their commands and visiting them from time to time, especially during holidays. Or when one of them was sick or gave birth to a baby, or came from a journey.
He rejoices when they rejoice and grieves when they grieve and is not disrespectful to any of them, for that would anger Allah and anger his parents and relatives.
- The sensible child loves the children of his relatives. He plays with them and asks how they are when he does not see them, and he does not like to travel except with them.
He likes to help them if they need anything and does not quarrel with them or cut them off or frown at them, but smiles and is happy when he meets them and talks with them with good conversation.
- Children who do good to their relatives will live in peace and be given by Allah a lot of sustenance and a long life.
MUSTHAFA AND HIS RELATIVE YAHYA
Musthafa was a rich boy, but he was humble and well-mannered. He was not arrogant to anyone and he liked to help people in need, especially if they were his relatives.
One day Musthafa saw a relative of his, Yahya his uncle’s son, wearing torn clothes. He felt sorry for him and quickly went to his house and got him a new shirt. Then he gave it to Yahya, and said, “please, my dear uncle’s son, accept this gift from me.” Yahya accepted it and his eyes filled with tears of joy and pleasure and thanked him profusely for his kindness.
When Musthafa’s father learned of this story, he was overjoyed at his favor to his relative, and praised him for his kindness.
CHILDREN’S MANNERS TOWARDS THEIR SERVANTS
- It is your servant who works in your house and arranges the furniture and cleans the yard and sweeps the floor. Your father instructs her in her needs. So does your maidservant. It is she who cooks your food and washes your clothes, helps your mother in her chores and goes to the market every day.
- So you must use good manners towards male servants and female servants. When you tell one of them something, speak to him gently and do not annoy him or be arrogant with him.
If he has done wrong, do not yell at him, but remind him of his mistake gently, and forgive him. If you are wrong, then tell the truth and do not attribute the wrong to the servant.
- If you call out to him and he does not answer immediately, do not be angry with him, for he may not have heard your voice. Similarly, if you ask him to do something and he lags behind, do not rush to reprimand him, for he may be unable to do so.
Beware of hitting him or cursing him or spitting in his face. No one does that, except a child who has bad manners and will be hated by everyone.
- Do not sit with a servant and do not speak to him except as necessary. Do not joke with him so that he will not dare you or you will hear inappropriate words from him.
A rich man had a son who was badly behaved. He was proud of himself and liked to bully others, especially the servants.
His father often advised him, but he would not listen to his advice.
One day, his father said to him, “Listen, my son, just as you do not like to be bothered by others, so you should not bother others. For troubling others is very bad behavior and shows poor education. Be careful not to insult servants and not to be arrogant towards them. They are human beings like us and have feelings like ours.”
When the boy heard his father’s advice this time, he was deeply impressed and repented of his bad habits. And so he became a son of good manners, pitying the servants and not bothering them.
CHILDREN’S MANNERS TOWARDS THEIR NEIGHBORS
- Your father and mother like their neighbors. They would like you to like them too, because they help your parents when they need you. Your mother sometimes borrows some tools and crockery from them, and they gladly lend them to her.
When someone in your house is sick, your neighbors come to visit him and pray for his health.
- So be courteous to your neighbors, O child, and gladden their hearts by liking their children, and smile in their presence, and play courteously with them.
Be careful not to quarrel with them or take away their toys without their permission or boast about your clothes and money to them.
When your mother gives you food or fruit, do not eat it yourself while the children of your neighbors are watching you.
Be careful not to mock your neighbors or raise your voice while they are sleeping or throw stones at their houses, or defile their walls and courtyards, or look at them through holes in walls and doors.
HAMID AND HIS NEIGHBORS
Hamid was a kind and well-mannered boy. He was loved by his family and neighbors, for he did not harass their children and did not quarrel or abuse them, nor did he break off relations with any of them.
He studies with his neighbor’s children at one school. Every day when she goes to school, she walks with them. The same goes for going home.
At play he played with them and he liked to help those who needed it from them. If he did not see one of them, he asked about him. If he was sick, he came to visit him.
Thus Hamid lived with the children of his neighbors in a happy and joyful state, united and full of friendship, with good manners and kindness.
BEFORE GOING TO SCHOOL
- Every student should always be fond of order and cleanliness. He should wake up every morning at the earliest time, then take a bath with soap, then perform ablution and pray Fajr prayer in congregation. After the prayer he should shake his parents’ hands. Then wear a clean and neat school uniform. Then look at the lessons he has read before going to bed.
- After breakfast, he had to organize his tools in his bag. Then ask her parents for permission to go to school.
GOOD MANNERS IN WALKING
- A disciple should walk straight. He should not turn his head needlessly to the right or left. He should not make inappropriate gestures. He should not walk too fast and should not walk too long. He should not eat or sing or read his book while walking.
- He must avoid mud and dirt so as not to fall or get his clothes dirty. He should avoid narrow and crowded streets so as not to collide with someone or lose something of his equipment. He should not stop on the way to interfere with others or stop one of his friends, so as not to be late for school.
- He should not joke when walking with his friends and should not raise his voice when speaking or laughing, and should not mock someone. These are all very bad and unbecoming of an educated student.
- He should never forget to greet anyone he meets on the road, especially if that person is his father or teacher.
STUDENT MANNERS AT SCHOOL
- When the student reaches his school, he should wipe his shoes with a cloth. Then he should go to his class and open the door slowly. He should enter politely and greet his friends and shake their hands. He should smile and say, “Good morning and be happy.” Then he should put his bag in the drawer of his seat. If his teacher comes, he should stand up from his place, greet him with politeness and respect, and shake his hand.
- When the bell rings he stands with his friends in a straight line. He is not allowed to talk or play with them. Then he enters his class quietly after being signaled by his teacher. Then he should go to his seat and sit properly, i.e. sit up straight and not bend his back, not move his legs, not push others, not put one foot on top of the other, not play with his hands and not put his hands on his cheeks.
- He should listen quietly to the lesson, and not turn his head to the right or left, but face the teacher. He should not talk to anyone or make him laugh, because that prevents him from understanding the lesson and prevents others from understanding it, so the teacher will be angry with him. If he does not understand his lessons, then he will surely fail the examination.
HOW STUDENTS MAINTAIN THEIR TOOLS
- Every student should take care of his tools by putting them in their proper places so that they do not get damaged or lost or dirty. If he does not organize them, it will be difficult for him if he wants something from them. Time will be wasted searching for it. He should cover his books and notebooks so that they do not get torn or dirty. He should be careful not to lick his fingers if he wants to flip through the pages of his books and notebooks, for this is a bad habit, contrary to good manners and harmful to health.
A student should also take care of his pencil so that it does not fall and break. If he wants to sharpen them, he should not sharpen them on the bench or floor or with the covers of his notebooks and books. Rather, he should use a sharpener. He should not suck the pen with his lips or erase his writing with his saliva, but with an eraser. He should not dry the ink with his shirt, but should use a drying cloth.
HOW STUDENTS MAINTAIN SCHOOL EQUIPMENT
Just as a student should take care of his learning tools, he should also take care of the school tools by not damaging or defacing the benches and desks and chairs. He should not write on the walls and doors, nor break the glass.
He should not contaminate the floor by spitting or blowing his nose on it, nor should he throw sharpened pencil marks and pieces of paper on it. Rather, he should put them in a special basket. He should not play with the school bell, nor write on the blackboard or break the eraser.
STUDENT’S MANNERS TOWARDS HIS TEACHER
- O courteous disciple! Verily your teacher took much pains in educating you. He educated your morals and taught you knowledge that is useful to you and advised you with useful advice. All this was done because he loved you as much as your father and mother loved you. Your teacher hopes that in the future you will become a clever and educated person.
- Honor your teacher as you honor your parents, by sitting politely in front of him and speaking to him respectfully. When he speaks, do not interrupt him, but wait until he has finished.
Listen to the lessons given by the teacher. If you do not understand something from your lessons, then ask him gently and respectfully, raising your finger first so that he allows you to ask. If he asks you about something, then stand up and answer the question with a good answer. And you should not answer if he asks something other than you, which is rude.
- If you want to be loved by your teacher, then fulfill your obligations, which is to be present every day at the appointed time. You should not be absent or late unless there is a valid reason. You should come to class immediately after recess. Do not be tardy. If your teacher reprimands you, do not make excuses in front of him or her.
You should understand all your lessons and always memorize and study them. Keep your books and tools clean and orderly. You should obey your teacher’s commands from your heart, not out of fear of punishment. Do not be angry if he punishes you, for he will not punish you except to make you fulfill your duties, and when you grow up, you will thank him for that.
- Even if he punishes you, your teacher still loves you and hopes that this punishment will be useful to you. Therefore, thank the teacher for his sincerity in educating you and do not forget his kindness for long. As for the student whose character is corrupt, he gets angry when his teacher punishes him, and sometimes he complains to his father about it.
STUDENTS’ MANNERS TOWARDS THEIR FRIENDS
- O intelligent student! You study with your friends in one school and you also live with your siblings in one house. Therefore love them as you love your brothers. Respect those who are older than you and love those who are younger than you, help your friends to listen to the teacher during class and maintain order.
At recess play with them in the courtyard, not in the classroom. Stay away from disconnections and quarrels, and shouts and games that are unbecoming of you.
- If you want to be loved among your friends, then do not be miserly towards them if they borrow something from you, for miserliness is very bad. Do not be proud of them if you are clever or industrious or rich, for pride is not of the character of good children. But if you see a student who is lazy, then advise him so that he strives and abandons his laziness. Or an ignorant child, then help him to understand his lessons. Or a poor child, pity him and help him with what you can help him with.
- Do not annoy your friend by constricting his seat or hiding some of his utensils or turning your cheek at him or looking at him with a sharp look or prejudicing him.
Do not annoy him by shouting at him from behind so that he is startled, or blow in his ear or shout in his ear. If you borrow something from him, then do not break or lose or defile it. Return it to him promptly and thank him for his kindness.
- If you speak to your friend, speak softly and smile. Do not raise your voice or frown. Do not be angry, spiteful and speak ill of him. Do not lie, revile and slander. Do not swear when speaking, even if you are right.
ADVICE – GENERAL ADVICE (1)
- O intelligent child! When you ask for something from someone, do not say to him: give me that, do this, for example. Rather, use politeness and say: please, or please do this. Then thank him for his help to you by saying: thank you, or I thank you, or may Allah reward you with good.
- When someone speaks to you, listen to him. Do not interrupt him, but wait until he has finished. If he speaks to you or tells you a story, and you have heard the story, do not say to him, “I have heard this story”. So as not to break his heart.
- Keep your teeth clean by using a miswak or toothbrush every day, so that they remain clean or undamaged. Do not suck your finger or bite your nails with your teeth or put your finger in your nose or ear, especially in front of people.
- It is a bad habit for a child to pry into other people’s secrets. If he sees a letter that does not belong to him, he reads it, or sees someone reading a letter, he asks him where it is from and what it says? Or if he sees two people talking nearby, he approaches them to listen to what they are saying.
ADVICE – GENERAL ADVICE (2)
- It is also a bad habit if a student uses another student’s book or pencil without his permission or finds something lost on the road and takes possession of it. He must return it to its owner. Also, if he borrows something and damages it or does not want to return it to its owner.
- It is also a disliked habit if a child is asked a question and answers by moving his head or shoulders, or answering immediately when someone else is the one being asked.
- It is reprehensible if a child does not cut his hair or shave it or comb it, so that it becomes long and ugly. It is also reprehensible if he does not cut his nails, so that dirt accumulates under them, and if he does not bathe or change his clothes, so that a foul odor comes out of them.
- Do not play with things that harm you such as: dirt, fire, and dung. Sometimes children play with matches and the fire ignites their clothes and burns them, or play with dirt and get scabies and itching.
- Maintain your health by exercising in the clean air every morning to keep your body healthy, because a healthy mind is found in a healthy body. Breathe in the air with your nose, not with your mouth. Stay away from dirty air.
Do not eat food that is open, as geckos or mice or other insects may have walked on it. Do not eat unripe or rotten fruit. Eat ripe fruit after washing it well and do not drink murky water. Do not let mosquitoes bite you. Avoid flies and drive them away from your face. Do not eat the food on which they feed and do not eat like greedy children who eat from food sold in the streets, in dirty dishes and left exposed to dust – dust and flies – flies.
- Harmful habits also include extravagance and waste. For example: if the father gives his son a few dollars, he buys things that are not useful to him or do not really need them. So he gets into debt from his friends, when he needs something and gets into the habit of being in debt from his childhood.
As for the sensible child, he likes to save and save, so that he does not need to go into debt, so he will live happily and happily.