Akhlaq lil banin Volume 2
- O beloved son, indeed a good deed It causes happiness for you in this world and the next. Your Lord is pleased with you, you are loved by your family and all people, and you live among them honorably. The opposite is bad manners. It is the source (cause) of your misery in this world and the next.
God hates you, you are hated by your family and all the People, and you live among them in contempt.
- So you should have noble manners and good manners from your childhood so that you will be brought up and accustomed to them when you grow up. You must first force yourself to do so until it becomes a disposition in the end.
Allah says: “Fortunate is he who purifies the soul, and miserable is he who defiles it” (Ash-Shams – 9).
The Prophet (SAW) said: “What enters most people into Paradise is piety to Allah and good manners. The believer with the most perfect faith is the one with the best manners. Indeed a believer can reach the degree of one who fasts and prays with his good manners.”
- Verily, people do not look at the beauty of your face or the novelty of your clothes, but they look at your character.
As the poet said:
Do not look at someone’s clothes
if you want to know him, look at his manners.
If the agarwood does not smell good
Not everyone can tell the difference between agarwood and wood.
Another poet said:
It is not beneficial for a young man to have a handsome face if his morals are not back.
Similarly, knowledge is useless when accompanied by bad morals. A knowledgeable person with bad manners is more hated by society than an ignorant person. You should pay as much attention to the education of your character as you do to the study of sciences and knowledge.
- When children grow up and become accustomed to bad manners, it is very difficult to educate and correct them. Sometimes it may not be possible at all.
As the poet said:
Sometimes manners are beneficial to children when they are young, but after that they are not beneficial to them.
Verily, a soft branch will straighten when you straighten it, and wood will not become soft when you straighten it.
5, O beloved disciple! You have read the first volume of this book and benefited from it. Before you is the second volume, so understand it well and put its contents into practice so that you may become a fortunate person and be of good character and educated in your soul so that you may attain good in this world and in religion.
2. THE CHILD’S OBLIGATION TO ALLAH TA’ALA
- O civilized child, Allah has granted you many blessings and made you after you were not there before. Allah gave you reason and pointed you to the religion of Islam, which is the greatest of blessings. Allah has given you hearing, sight, and a tongue, as well as hands and feet. Allah created you as a perfect human being in the best form. Allah says: “We have created man in the best possible form” (At Tiin: 4). Allah gave you good health. Allah instilled love for you in the hearts of your parents so that they nurtured you perfectly and He made you love your teacher so that he taught you knowledge that is useful for you in religion and the world and many more of Allah’s blessings for you are incalculable. “And if you were to count the blessings of Allah, you would not be able to determine their number” (An-Nahl: 18).
- You should thank your Lord for His blessings by obeying His commands and avoiding His prohibitions and glorifying Him from the bottom of your heart. So do not do bad things even if you are alone. In the hadith it is said: “Fear Allah wherever you are.” You should love your Lord more than you love your mother, father and yourself. You should also love His angels, His messengers, His prophets and His righteous servants, for Allah loves them.
- You must also seek His help in your needs and put your trust in Him in your affairs. Allah says: “And in Allah should you put your trust, if you are truly believers” (Al-Maa Idah. 23).
In the hadith of Ibn Abbas, it is mentioned that the Prophet SAW, said to him: “Hal child, I teach you a few sentences.
Preserve (the religion of) Allah, surely Allah will preserve you.
Preserve (the religion of) Allah, surely you will find His Help before you, When you ask, then ask Allah,
When you ask for help, ask Allah for help. Know that even if the entire Ummah were to gather to benefit you, they could not benefit you except by something that Allah has decreed for you.
The pens of the Angels who write the destiny of Allah have been raised and the sheets on which the destiny of Allah is written have dried up and if they were to gather to harm you, then they could not harm you, except by something that Allah has decreed for you.”
- When you give thanks to your Lord, Allah increases His pleasure for you. As Allah says in His Noble Book: “Indeed, if you give thanks, We will surely increase you” (Ibrahim: 7).
And Allah protects you from calamities and makes your wishes come true. Your Lord Allah SWT. will love you and make people love you.
As Allah says: “Verily, those who believe and do righteous deeds, Allah the Merciful will plant in their hearts compassion” (Maryam: 96).
That is, Allah loves them and makes people love them. In the hadith it is stated: “When Allah loves a slave, He calls out to Gabriel (peace be upon him): ‘Allah loves so-and-so, so love him,’ and Gabriel loves him. Then Gabriel calls out in the heavens: verily Allah has loved so-and-so, so love him, so the inhabitants of the heavens love him and love is placed on him by the inhabitants of the earth.”
3. BELOVED DISCIPLE
There was a teacher who loved just one of his students more than any of his other students. They were astonished at that. They said, “Why does our teacher love this student more than us?” So the teacher wanted to show them why. He gave each of them a chicken. Then he said, “Let each of you be alone in a place and slaughter the chicken so that no one can see it.” All the disciples obeyed the teacher’s command, except for one. He returned the chicken. Then the teacher said to him, “Why didn’t you slaughter your “chicken like your friends did?” The boy replied, “Because I cannot be alone in a place without being seen by anyone. Verily Allah sees me in every place. Then the teacher said to the students, “Look at this student, he fears Allah and does not forget Him in any place. That is why I love him more than you. There is no doubt that when he grows up, he will be pious and obedient to his Lord at all times.”
4.THE CHILD’S OBLIGATION TOWARDS HIS PROPHET, PEACE BE UPON HIM.
- Know that the Prophet (SAW) has great rights over you, and his rights are the greatest after the rights of Allah Ta’ala. Adab towards him is the strongest and most obligatory adab. He brought the religion of Islam, and it was through him that you came to know your Lord and were able to distinguish between the lawful and the unlawful. You cannot repay him forever. . So it is obligatory that you love him with great love. In the hadith: “A man among you does not believe until he loves me more than his son and father and all the people.”
- The sign of your love for your Lord is that you love your Prophet and follow him in his ways. Allah says: “Say, if you love Allah, then follow me, and Allah will love you” (Al-Imran: 31).
You also love his family (his family members) and his companions and all his people. In the hadith it is said: “Love Allah for giving you of His favors, and love me (Prophet Muhammad) for your love of Allah, and love my family for loving me.”
In another hadith: “Keep me from recognizing my companions. Do not make them a target (of abuse) after I am gone. Whoever loves them, then by loving me, I love them. And whoever hates them, then by hating me, I hate them.”
In another hadith: “None of you has faith until he loves his brother as he loves himself.”
- Obey the Prophet (SAW) in all his commands, as Allah Ta’ala says: “Whoever obeys the Messenger, obeys Allah” (An-Nisaa’: 80). “What the Messenger gives you take. And what he forbids you, leave it” (Al-Hasyr: 7).
Part of obeying him is that you defend his religion with your words and deeds.
You defend his laws to the best of your ability and say peace upon him as Allah commands you to do in His words: “Verily, Allah and His Angels shall bless the Prophet. O you who believe, bless the Prophet and salute him with peace” (Al-Ahzab: 56).
Especially on the night of Jumu’ah and on the day of Jumu’ah as the hadith says: “Make dua for me on Jumu’ah and Jumu’ah night. Whoever does that, then I will be a witness and provide for him on the Day of Resurrection.”
5. A LITTLE BIT OF THE PROPHET’S CHARACTER.
- The Prophet (SAW) was the best of human beings. Allah Ta’ala has praised him by saying: “You are indeed a man of great character” (Al-Qalam: 4).
Allah Ta’ala made him an example for the Muslims in his words and deeds. As Allah Ta’ala says: “There is for you in the Messenger of Allah a good example” (Al-Ahzab: 21).
Allah has sent him to perfect manners and morals.
In the hadith: “I was sent to perfect good manners.”
- Part of his character was his modesty and contentment with what was available (qana’ah). He accepted the clothes and food that were available and did not ask for what was not available. He did not criticize any food at all. But if he liked it, he ate it. And if he disliked it, he left it. He did not make others hate it and did not ask anything from anyone. He did not look at others’ possessions. He was a forgiving person who did not get angry. He was patient with the trials and tribulations that befell him. He forgave those who hurt him and was humble towards children and adults. Part of his humility was that when he walked past small children, he greeted them. If someone called out to him, he would answer them with the words: “Labbaik.” He did not like people to get up from their seats to greet him. He sewed his clothes, mended his sandals, swept his house and served his family. He would buy things and bring them to his house himself. Then his companion said to him, “Give it to me so that I can carry it.” So he said, “The owner of the thing is better suited to carry it.”
- Part of his character was courage. Courageous people approached him in times of war because he was close to the enemy. He was steadfast in his principles and patient in fulfilling his obligations, despite severe obstacles and great disturbances. He spoke the truth and was honest in all his words and deeds, so he was known among his people as Muhammad Al-Amien (The truthful one).
4, He was very fearful of Allah Ta’ala, had much shyness, great compassion and did not bother humans or animals and had pity on the poor. He gave much in charity to them, and answered their calls when they called him. He ate with them and visited the sick among them. He was the most generous and did not refuse anyone who asked him for something. If he could not find something for him he would promise to give it to him at a later time. One day a man came to him asking for something. So he gave him a large goat, covering it between two mountain gaps, then he returned to his people and said, “Convert to Islam. Verily Muhammad gave gifts as one who fears no poverty.”
- He loved servants and never yelled at a servant. He told servants to forgive him when he did wrong. He loved small children and greeted them. When he was praying and heard a child crying, he would lighten his prayer. One day a young Sayyidina Hasan r.a. entered while the Prophet was praying. Then he climbed on his back while he was prostrating. Anas bin Malik r.a. had a brother named Abu Umair who had a small red-beaked bird as his playmate. Then the bird died. One day the Prophet came to see him. He saw that the boy was sad. So he said, “Why him?” Someone replied, “The bird died.” So he said, “O Aba Umair, what did Nughair do?”
6. A LITTLE BIT OF THE PROPHET’S CHARACTER (II)
- The Prophet was kind to his companions. He smiled and was friendly towards them and initiated greetings and shook hands with them. He preferred them to himself to the extent that they loved him more than themselves and their children. He respected his neighbors and told them to do good to him. One day he said to one of his companions, “When you cook soup, then increase the water and share it with your neighbors.” He honored guests and was kind to his relatives. When the breastfeeding woman Sayyidah Halimah As-Sa’diyah r.a. came to him while he was sitting, he rolled up his turban and met her needs. The Prophet honored his uncle Al-Abbas as he honored his father and mother.
- The Prophet (SAW) recalled a long period of friendship and he said: “Indeed, maintaining friendship is one of the practices of faith.” After the death of Sayyidah Chadidjah r.a. when he slaughtered a sheep, he distributed the meat to his friends. When she was given a gift she would say, “Take it to the house of so-and-so, he was a friend of Chadidjah.” If he did not see one of his friends for three days, he would ask him. If he had traveled far, he would pray for him. If he was at home, he would visit him and if he was sick, he would visit him. If he promised something, he kept it. He strictly forbade breaking promises. He likes to organize his work and complete it. The Prophet (SAW) said: “Verily, Allah commands goodness in everything.” He also liked cleanliness in everything: food, clothing and living quarters and enjoined maintaining cleanliness. He said in his hadith: “Cleanliness is one of the practices of Faith.”
- The Prophet (SAW) did not turn his head to the right or left when walking. When he ate, he did not eat until he was full. Allah Ta’ala says: “Eat and drink and do not overdo it, surely Allah does not like those who overdo it” (Al A’raaf – 31).
When he spoke, he spoke only what was necessary. He said: “He who is silent is safe.”
He preserved his time and spent it entirely in obeying his Lord.
In the hadith: “It was that the Prophet (SAW) mentioned the name of Allah all the time, and prayed – in the middle of the night until the soles of his feet were broken.”
7. LOVING BOTH PARENTS
- Your parents love you very much and are the cause of your existence. Both of them took great pains to maintain you. But they are happy about it. Your mother carried you in her belly for 9 months, then breastfed you and patiently endured the hardships of pregnancy and breastfeeding. She took care of the cleanliness of your body and clothes, and made your clothes fine and arranged your bed clean. She drives away the mosquitoes from you so that you can sleep peacefully and keeps you at all times from anything that disturbs you when you walk or sit, or play or sleep. It is he who prepares your food and teaches you to walk and talk. What a joy it is when you begin to walk or talk.
- Every day your father goes out of the house. He endures hardship, heat and cold, in order to earn money that he will spend on you, your mother and the rest of your family. So he buys you clothes and food and everything you need such as school supplies and so on. When you ask for something that benefits you he does not prevent you from doing so and gives you what you want with great joy.
- Your father also wants you to live in physical health, safe from harm and disease. Therefore, he prevents you from doing anything that harms you and tells you to take care of your health. He wants you to grow up with good manners and perfect manners, so he forbids you to associate with bad people, and wants you to be a man who is perfect in knowledge, well-educated in manners, adheres to religion, is respected among the people, and can benefit yourself and society. So he sent you to school and paid for your education.
- Verily, your parents love you very much. Therefore, if you are sick, they grieve for you and exert themselves for your welfare. They pray to Allah day and night for your speedy recovery. Your mother does not sleep at night to look after you. She cries with tears in her eyes, out of pity for you. Your father called a doctor and bought medicines for you. He didn’t care to spend a lot of money for your expensive health.
8. WHAT ARE YOUR OBLIGATIONS TO YOUR MOTHER AND FATHER?
O beloved child! You have known the extent of your mother’s love for you and what she did for your upkeep. So it is obligatory for you to repay this kindness with kindness and filial piety.
Even so, you can see the virtues and merits of both of them. You admit that you cannot fulfill their rights perfectly.
So carry out these exhortations:
- You love your parents from the bottom of your heart and honor them with respect. You treat them both with everything that pleases them and you avoid anything that distresses them. You listen to their advice and promptly obey their commands and fulfill their needs. You shake the hands of your parents every morning and evening and face them with a radiant face and pray for them to be given a long life in goodness and health, and to achieve their goals. You pray that Allah will reward your parents well for their good care.
- You should know that the life of your mother and father is a great pleasure from Allah for you and a blessing and mercy for you, which you enjoy by looking at them. In that there is a great reward.
In the hadith it is said: “No one looks at the faces of his parents with a look of love, but Allah decrees for him that the result of that look will be an accepted and Mabrur Hajj.”
You shake their hands every day and you deliberate with them about your affairs. You put joy into them and you fulfill their needs. They pray for you with all goodness. How great are these pleasures of enjoyment! And how great is this reward! A child does not know the true magnitude of the enjoyment of his mother and father’s existence, unless he loses them. At that time he feels great loss and great sadness at his separation from them.
- You should be polite to them at all times. So do not turn your back on them while calling their names, do not laugh in their presence unnecessarily or make loud noises. Do not look at them with a sharp glance, do not lie against them or curse them or speak bad words or raise your voice above theirs.
Allah says: “And your Lord has commanded that you should worship none but Him, and that you should do good to your parents. If either of them or both of them come to an old age in your care, then by no means say to them the word “ah” and do not yell at them and speak to them noble words.
And humble yourself before them both with great affection and say: O my Lord, have mercy on them both, as they brought me up” (Al-Israa’: 23, 24).
- Always strive to earn the approval of your parents by being diligent in your studies and going to school every day, taking care of your books and clothes and all your equipment. You should set them in their proper places and not break or lose any of them. You should do everything that pleases them in and out of the house. Do not annoy one of your brothers or servants and do not quarrel with the neighbor’s children or your friends at school.
- When you ask for something from your mother and father, do not ask for it in public. If your parents do not give you what you want, then keep quiet. For they know better what is in your best interest. Beware of getting angry and grumbling and frowning. If you sit in front of them, then sit in a good manner. Do not put foot on foot, do not sit when they are standing, and do not walk in front of them. If one of them calls out to you, answer him immediately. Do not linger or pretend not to hear or become weary of repeated calls. Be very careful that you do not insult someone’s father or his mother, lest he insult your father’s mother because of you.
In the hadith: “Among the major sins is the one who abuses his mother and father.”
People said, “O Messenger of Allah, does anyone cuss his father’s mother?”, he replied, “Yes, if he cusses someone’s father, then that person cusses his father. And if he abuses someone’s mother, then that person abuses his mother.”
- When you grow up and start working, then you should help your parents. Provide for them according to your ability and serve your mother more than your father, because she loves you more and has put more effort into raising you.
A man came to the Prophet and said, “O Messenger of Allah, who is the person who deserves the best treatment from me?” He replied, “Your mother.” The man said, “Then who?” He replied, “Your mother.” The man said, “Then who?” He replied, “Your mother.” The man said, “Then who?” He replied, “Your father.” If one of them or both of them die, then the child is obliged to pay homage to them by praying and asking for forgiveness and giving charity for his parents. In the hadith: “O Messenger of Allah, can I still be filial to my mother and father after their death?” He replied: “Yes, by praying over their bodies, asking forgiveness for them, carrying out their wills, honoring their friends, and maintaining the family ties that can only be maintained through them.”
- If you are dutiful to your parents, you will earn the pleasure of Allah and His great reward. In the hadith: “The pleasure of Allah is earned by the pleasure of parents, and the wrath of Allah is earned by the wrath of parents.” In another hadith: “Filial piety is better than prayer (sunnah), charity, fasting, Hajj, ‘Umrah and jihad in the cause of Allah.”
And your children will be devoted to you in the future. As it says in the hadith: “Be devoted to your father, and your children will be devoted to you.”
As for disobeying parents is among the greatest sins. The Prophet (SAW) said: “The greatest sins are associating partners with Allah and disobeying parents.”
The Prophet (SAW) also said: “Do not disobey your parents, for the odor of Paradise is smelled from a distance of 1000 years. By Allah, neither the one who disobeys nor the one who breaks family ties will taste it.”
The Prophet (SAW) said: “Cursed is he who disobeys his parents.”
- If you do something wrong to your parents, then apologize to them immediately while they are still alive. Promise yourself not to repeat such a mistake again, because the punishment of the disobedient is hastened in this world, especially after the death of his parents.
In the hadith: “All sins are deferred by Allah hu
He will punish him as He pleases until the Day of Resurrection, except for disobedience to one’s parents. For Allah hastens it for the doer in life before death.” A man came to the Prophet (PBUH) asking for allegiance to migrate. He said, “I did not come to you before making my parents cry.” So the Prophet said: “Go back to them and make them laugh as you have made them cry.”
- Nothing pleases parents more than to see a child who pleases them, is dutiful, obedient, well-mannered and intelligent. So strive to be so and ask for their prayers until you achieve your goals.
In the hadith: “The father’s prayer for his son is like the Prophet’s prayer for his people.”
9. TRUE STORIES
- Sayyidina Ismail, the son of Prophet Ibrahim (peace be upon him), was devoted to his mother and father.
When he was 13 years old, his father said to him, “My son, I saw in a dream that I was slaughtering you. So think about what you think.”
He said, “O my father, do what you are told, and God willing, you will find me among the patient” (Ash-Shaffaat: 102).
Prophet Ibrahim obeyed his Lord’s command and wanted to slaughter his son. At this frightening moment Sayyidina Ismail remembered his mother. So he said to his father, “O my father bind me tightly so that I do not waver and take off my clothes so that my blood does not get on me. For if my mother sees it, her grief will increase. Say salam to my mother. If you wish to return my shirt to her, then do so. For it will comfort her and bring back memories of her son.”
Then Prophet Ibrahim laid Ismail down and put a knife to his throat, but it had no effect on him by the power of Allah Ta’ala. So Allah redeemed him with a lamb from heaven. Then Prophet Ibrahim slaughtered it. See O beloved child, how Sayyidina Ismail was dutiful and patient and how Prophet Ibrahim obeyed the commands of his Lord and was steadfast in accepting this obvious trial.
- Sayyidina Ali Zainal Abidin r.a. was so devoted to his mother that one of his companions said, “You are the most devoted of people to your mother. Why do we not see you eating with her?” He replied, “Yes, because I am afraid that my hand will precede her in taking some food that she has seen and wants to eat, if so, then I have disobeyed her.”
- A man said to the Messenger of Allah (SAW), “O Messenger of Allah, there is a young man who is about to die, he was told to say : Laa ilaha illallah, but could not say it.” The Prophet said, “Didn’t he say it in his lifetime?” The people said, “Yes.” The Prophet said, “What prevented him from saying it before his death?” Then the Prophet got up and we got up with him until we came to the young man. The Prophet said, “Son, say: Laa ilaha illallah.” The young man replied, “I cannot say it.” The Prophet asked, “Why?” The young man replied, “Because of disobeying my mother.” The Prophet asked, “Is she still alive?” The young man replied, “Yes.” The Prophet said, “Bring her.” Then the young man’s mother came. The Prophet (pbuh) said, “What if a fire is lit and it is said to you that if you do not make intercession for him, then we will throw him into the fire?” The woman replied, “Then, I will give him mercy.” The Prophet said, “Then make us witnesses that you approve of him.” The woman said, “O Allah, I make You and Your Messenger witnesses that I am pleased with my son.” Then the Prophet said, “Son, say: Laa ilaha illallah.” So the boy said: “Laa ilaha illallah.” So the Prophet said, “Praise be to Allah for saving him from the fire of hell.”
Dear child, reflect on this story so that you know that disobedience to parents leads to a bad end. May Allah protect us from it.
In the hadeeth: “Three kinds of sins for which no other deeds will avail, viz: associating partners with Allah, disobeying one’s mother and father, and running away from battle.”
- There was a Jewish boy who served the Prophet (SAW). One day he was sick and the Prophet (SAW) came to visit him. He sat near his head. Then the Prophet said, “Convert to Islam.” The boy looked at his father who was there. His father said, “Obey Abal Qasim (the Prophet).” Then the boy converted to Islam. Then the Prophet went out of the house saying, “Praise be to Allah for saving him from the fire of hell.”
Look at how this boy was devoted to his father until the time of his death. With that Allah gave him the will to convert to Islam at the last moment of his life. So ja became a resident of Paradise. From this story you can learn that filial piety to one’s mother and father leads to a good end.
- Haiwah bin Shuraih was devoted to his mother. He was a great scholar and had many students. One day his mother came to him while he was teaching. Then his mother said, “Stand up O Haiwah, give the grain to the chickens.” He did not feel heavy and did not delay. But he left teaching, and immediately obeyed her command.
- Among those who were dutiful too was Dzar bin Umar Al-Hamdani. Part of his devotion to his father was that he never walked with his father during the day, unless he walked behind him. And he did not walk with him at night, but he walked in front of him to face the danger in front of him. And he does not climb a roof when his father is under it.
10. WHAT ARE YOUR DUTIES TOWARDS YOUR BROTHERS AND SISTERS?
- The people closest to you after your mother and father are your brothers and sisters. So practice these manners so that you will live a happy and contented life and earn the approval of your mother and father.
- You should honor them in all circumstances and love them sincerely. You and they are of one bloodline. They love you and wish you happiness. So live with them in harmony and unity. Avoid the causes of strife and discord.
- You should treat your elder brothers, whether male or female, with more respect and regard them as substitutes for your parents. So you should take their advice and not go against their commands.
In the hadith: “The older brother’s right to the younger is like the father’s right to his child.”
- You should love your younger siblings, whether male or female, and treat them well as your mother and father treated you.
In the hadith: “Not from among us is he who does not love children and disrespect the elderly.”
- Help your brothers and sisters as much as you can. The Prophet said: “The example of two brothers is like two hands, one washing the other.”
You should always relent and be patient with them. If they do wrong, then remind them of their wrongdoing gently and gently, for gentle words can best awaken the heart, whereas harsh words cause hatred and disconnection. Beware of beating or swearing at them, or pitting them against each other, or taking something from them without their consent, or severing ties with one of them.
In the hadeeth: “It is forbidden for a Muslim to cut off contact with his brother for more than three days. So whoever cuts ties with his brother for more than three days and then dies will enter Hellfire.”
- Your brother is your right hand, as Allah Ta’ala said to Sayyidina Musa regarding his brother Sayyidina Harun (as): “We will help you with your brother” (Al Qashash: 35). He is a weapon for you to defend against your enemies in the arena of life.
As the poet said:
Be kind to your brother, for he who has no brother is like one who goes to war without a weapon
11. UNITY GIVES RISE TO POWER
It is said that a man had many children. When he was about to die, he called them and gave each of them a bundle of spears and told them to break them. They tried their best to break them, but they could not. Then the man untied the spears and gave each of them a spear. So they broke it easily. Then he said to them, “Your example is like this bond. If you are united and gathered, then your enemies cannot defeat you. If you dispute and divide, it is easy for your enemies to defeat you like the bond of a spear that has been loosened and you can break without difficulty.” Then he recited a verse:
Unite, my children, when calamity strikes, and do not divide yourselves.
The spears cannot be broken if they are gathered together.
When broken apart, they can be broken one by one.
12. WHAT IS YOUR DUTY TOWARDS YOUR RELATIVES?
- Indeed, the closest people after your mother and father and brothers are your relatives such as: Your father’s brothers and sisters, your mother’s brothers and sisters, their children and the children of your brothers and sisters.
In the hadith: “The aunt (mother’s sister) is equal to the mother. A person’s uncle (father’s brother) is equal to his father. The son of the sister of a people is among them.”
Your relatives love you and love your mother and father. So what should you do with them?
- You are to treat them as you would treat your brothers, so honor the elderly among them and be merciful to their young children. You should help them in their work, and you should help the needy among them, and you should visit them at certain times, especially on feast days, joyous days, and times of calamity and sorrow. If your relative is sick, go to his house to visit him and pray for his health. If he passes away to the mercy of Allah, then hasten to offer condolences to his children and family and help them. Do not miss out on attending the prayers for your deceased relative and delivering his body. By that your relatives are happy, because you are happy when they are happy and sad when they are sad. They know that you are a well-educated child who fulfills your duties towards your relatives.
- Be united with your relatives and avoid anything that causes disconnection or quarrels with them. Do not listen to the talk of backbiters and forgive them if they wrong you. Do not bear grudges against them for their wrongdoings and do not envy them for the blessings that Allah has bestowed upon them. If you observe these manners, then you will surely live with your relatives in harmony and peace, security and happiness. A man’s happiness depends on the happiness of his family. They are like wings to a bird.
The poet said:
Know, O son of uncle, that man is a wing; can an eagle fly without wings?
- Allah has commanded us to do good to our relatives and to associate them with our fathers and mothers. Allah says: “And worship Allah and associate nothing with Him, and be kind to parents and relatives” (An-Nisaa’: 36). “
In the hadith: “Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should maintain his family ties.”
If a person is kind to his relatives, Allah expands his provision and lengthens his life. In the hadith: “Good relations with relatives, increase wealth, and friendship, increase life and Allah forgives sins.”
A man came to the Prophet (SAW) and said, “I have committed a great sin, can I repent?” The Prophet (SAW) said: “Do you have a mother?” The man replied, “No.” The Prophet said: “Do you have an aunt?” The man replied, “Yes.” The Prophet said: “Be devoted to her.”
As for the one who mistreats his relatives and harasses them, the result is the opposite of that. He is prevented from entering Paradise.
In the hadith: “He who breaks off family ties will not enter Paradise.” – Allah hastens his punishment in this world. In another hadith: “No sin is more worthy of Allah’s hastening the punishment of its perpetrator in this world in addition to the punishment that Allah has in store for him in the Hereafter than injustice and severing family ties.”
- If your relatives do evil to you for example, then sabariah. Repay their evil with good.
In the hadith: “A man said, “O Messenger of Allah, I have relatives with whom I am in contact, while they cut ties with me. I do good to them while they do evil to me. I was patient with them, but they ignored me.” The Prophet (SAW) said, “If it is true as you say, then it is as if you fed them hot ashes. And Allah continues to help you against them as long as you are in such a state.”
13. ABU THALHAH AL-ANSHARY AND HIS RELATIVES
It is mentioned in a sahih hadith that Abu Talhah Al-Anshary r.a. was the Anshar who had the most wealth in date palms in Madinah. The treasure he loved the most was biruha’ (a date plantation) and he faced the mosque.
The Prophet entered it and drank from its fresh water. When the verse was revealed: “You will never attain to (perfect) devotion until you spend some of the wealth you love” (Ali Imran: 92). Abu Talhah came to the Messenger of Allah (SAW) and said, “O Messenger of Allah, Allah Ta’ala has revealed to you: “You will not come to complete devotion until you spend some of the wealth you love,” and indeed the wealth I love the most is Biruha’ and it is charity for the sake of Allah Ta’ala which I hope will be devoted and saved in the sight of Allah Ta’ala. So use it, O Messenger of Allah, as Allah has shown you.” So the Messenger of Allah said, “Good, that is a fortunate treasure, that is a fortunate treasure. I have heard what you said. I think that you should distribute it among the relatives.” So Abu Talhah said, “I do, O Messenger of Allah.” Then Abu Talhah distributed it among his relatives and his uncle’s sons.
As the Companions (r.a.) were sitting near the Prophet (pbuh), he suddenly said, “Do not sit with us with someone who breaks family ties.” Then a young man stood up from the assembly and went to his aunt. Before that the two had a dispute. So he apologized to her, then returned to the assembly. So the Messenger of Allah (SAW) said, “Verily mercy does not descend on a people where there is a family breaker.”
14. WHAT IS YOUR DUTY TO YOUR SERVANT?
- You must treat your servant kindly by speaking to him gently when you want something from him. You should not abuse him with harsh words, nor should you yell at him or be arrogant towards him. You should point out his faults if he has done wrong gently and gently, and then forgive him.
A man asked the Messenger of Allah (SAW), “How many times should we forgive a servant, O Messenger of Allah?” He replied, “Forgive him every day 70 times.”
- If you call out to your servant and he does not answer you immediately, or you tell him to do something and he lags, then do not rush to reprimand him. Perhaps he did not hear your voice or was busy. You should be forgiving and patient with the mistakes of servants, for they are usually uneducated. If they serve you well, then do not forget to thank them for their kindness and reward them for it.
Allah says: “There is no reward for good except good” (Ar Rahmaan: 60).
- Do not show the servant the secret of your father’s secrets so that there will be no desire in him to steal, and do not rely on him in every circumstance. You should be careful of him. Do not sit with him in jest and idle talk, so that you may not follow his temperament, and so that you may not fall from favor with him, and so that he may not be bold with you, and so that he may not be disrespectful to you. Do not mistreat a servant by giving him more work than he is able to do, or by not giving him his wages, or by delaying them, or by depriving him of the wages to which he is entitled.
In the hadith: “Mistreating a servant regarding his wages is a major sin.”
Do not hit him without right. In the hadith: “Whoever beats with a whip unjustly, he will be rewarded for it on the Day of Resurrection.”
15. THIS IS HOW TO FORGIVE A SERVANT
- The Prophet never yelled at a servant. Companion Anas r.a. said, “I served the Prophet for 10 years, but he never said to me, “Uff (cih)” at all. And he never said for anything I did: why did you do that? And he did not say for everything that I left: why did you leave it? And his wives did not reproach me, but he said: leave her alone. Verily, this happened because of the decree of Allah.”
- It is narrated that Imam Ali Karromallahu wajhahu called out to his slave, but he did not answer him. So Imam Ali called him a second and third time. But he did not answer. Then he went to him. He saw him lying down.
Imam Ali said, “Son, did you not hear?” The boy replied: “Yes”. Imam Ali said: “Why did you not answer me when I called you?” The boy replied: “Because I felt safe from your punishment. So I was lazy.” So Imam ‘Ali said: “Go, you are free for the pleasure of Allah.”
- It is narrated from Qais ibn ‘Ashim that while he was sitting one day in his house, there came to him a slave girl carrying a meat roaster that had meat on it. Suddenly it fell from her hand and fell on her son, who died. The slave was shocked. Then Qais said to her, “There is no need for you to be afraid.” Qais forgave her and set her free for the sake of Allah.
16. WHAT ARE YOUR OBLIGATIONS TO YOUR NEIGHBORS?
- Your neighbors love you and love your mother and father, and your parents told you to love them and do good to them, because they have great rights. So much so that it is said in the hadith: “Do good to your neighbors, and you will be a true Muslim.”
In another hadith: “Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him do good to his neighbor.” It is also stated: “There are three kinds of neighbors: the neighbor who has one right, the neighbor who has two rights, and the neighbor who has three rights. The neighbor who has three rights is a Muslim neighbor who is related. So he has the right of a neighbor, the right of Islam and the right of kin. The neighbor who has two rights is the Muslim neighbor, who has the rights of a neighbor and the rights of Islam. The neighbor who has one right is the polytheist neighbor who only has the right of a neighbor.”
- Neighbors help one another. If a person needs tools and goods, for example, he borrows them from his neighbors. So they are happy to borrow from him. Sometimes he borrows money or food from them. They can also borrow from him if they need it. If a thief breaks into his house or there is a fire in the place, his neighbors come to help him catch the thief and put out the fire. Similarly, if a child comes from a journey or is born, his neighbors come to his house to rejoice in the birth. If he is sick, they grieve for him and come to his house to inquire about his condition. They prayed for his recovery. If someone dies among his family, they come to his house to help and mourn and deliver the body of the deceased.
- You should be courteous to your neighbors by going ahead in greeting them and smiling in their presence, helping them when they need your help and being very careful not to disturb them. If you buy fruit or anything else, give it to them. If you do not, then bring it into your house quietly and do not anger them. Do not disturb them with the smell of cooking from your pot, unless you give them from it.
In the hadeeth: “He does not believe with me who sleeps when he is full and his neighbor is hungry beside him and he knows it.”
Take heed that you do not quarrel with them, nor be proud of them with your wealth or your father’s wealth, nor mock them, nor raise your voice when they sleep, nor stone their houses, nor defile them, nor spy on them from the housetops, nor from the holes in the walls, nor from the doors.
Allah says: “Do not spy” (Al Hujurat: 12).
Harassing your neighbor is a major sin. In the hadith: “He will not enter Paradise whose neighbor is not safe from his evil.”
- If you are bothered by bad neighbors, then be patient with them. Beware of following their bad behavior so that you are saved from their evil. Avoid associating with their children so as not to imitate their bad dispositions, so that you become evil like them.
17. TRUE STORIES
- Mujahid said: “I was at the place of ‘Abdullah ibn ‘Umar. At that time one of his servants was skinning a goat.” Then Abdullah said to him, “Son, if you are skinning, start by giving our Jewish neighbor.” He said this many times. He said that many times. So I said to him, “How many times did you say that?” Abdullah replied, “The Messenger of Allah (SAW) always advised us about our neighbors until we feared that he would make him inherit us.”
- A man complained about the number of mice in his house. It was said to him, “What if you had a cat?” The man replied, “I am afraid that the rats would hear the sound of the cat and run into the houses of the neighbors. So I would not like for them what I do not like for myself.”
- Imam Abu Hanifah (may Allah have mercy on him) had a jealous neighbor who harassed him and backbited against him. But he was patient with him. When he passed by him and greeted him, he did not return the greeting. So some people rebuked him for his steadfastness and patience with his neighbor. So he said, “The neighbor has rights.”
18. WHAT ARE YOUR OBLIGATIONS TO YOUR TEACHER?
O civilized son, just as your father, who has taken care of your body, has a great right to you, so does your teacher, who has taken care of your spirit and educated your morals and enlightened your mind and taught you useful knowledge. He has a great right to you. So you must love and honor him and treat him with these manners:
- You should obey his advice and submit to his commands, not out of fear of punishment, but for the sake of doing your duty sincerely from your heart. As a sick person obeys a compassionate doctor. So you should accept everything he gives you with good understanding, gratitude and joy. You should be humble towards him and seek reward and honor by serving him. You should always realize that you have received a gift from your teacher and cannot repay him, no matter how kind you are to him. You should be very careful not to oppose him or disobey him or be arrogant towards him.
In the hadith: “Face-seeking (seeking praise) is not among the manners of a believer, except in the pursuit of knowledge.”
Said Sayyidina Ali karromallahu wajhahu, “I am the slave of the one who taught me one letter. If he will sell it and if he will free it and if he will enslave it.”
As for arrogance and defiance, they cause people not to gain knowledge.
The poet said:
Knowledge combats an arrogant young man like a flood destroys a high ground.
The student who is civilized and humble, he gains knowledge and makes use of it. The opposite is the student who is insolent and arrogant. Even if he gets a little knowledge, he cannot utilize it for himself or benefit others. Rather it harms him and adds to his arrogance and bad manners.
- Among the teacher’s advice: You should intend to study for the pleasure of Allah and the Hereafter, to revive religion and benefit the Muslims, and to be grateful for the blessings of reason and health. Do not aim to seek praise and position among the people or to accumulate worldly pleasures.
Among his advice is that you should strive hard in seeking knowledge. So memorize all your lessons and study them at home. Do not waste your time in vain, for it is more precious than precious gems. If it is lost, it will never return. You should keep your books and tools clean and in their proper places. You should be present every day at the appointed time and should not be late except for a valid reason. You should listen attentively to the lessons he gives you so that you understand them quickly and do not weary your teacher with much repetition. So do the useful advice.
- Part of the courtesy towards a teacher is that you stand up to greet him when he sits down out of respect and reverence for him. Do not sit down until he gives you permission to sit down. Then you sit in front of him politely and do not precede him in speaking or interrupt his conversation or order or forbid someone in front of him. If you do not understand something, then you should ask him a question with gentleness and respect. That is, you raise your finger first and do not speak until he allows you to speak. If he asks you a question about something, then you should rise to your feet and answer his question properly. Do not precede him in answering, if he .asks a question to someone else.
- You should greet him and shake his hand every day at school and face him with a smiling face. You should also do that if you meet him on the street and visit him at his home, especially during the holidays, or if he is sick. You ask him about his health and pray for his recovery. You assist him in meeting his needs and consult with him in your affairs and do what he commands. Do not call him by his name, but by the word teacher. Do not walk in front of him or turn your back to him. Do not sit in his place or take his books without his permission. Do not talk much to him and do not spread his secrets. Do not backbite someone in his presence. Do not say to him, “So-and-so said: the opposite of what he said.”
- Do not be ashamed to tell the truth if he asks you about the meaning of a matter that you do not understand, so that you will not be guilty of lying and so that you can understand the matter. Do not be angry if he reprimands you, but be quiet and glad about it. For he does not rebuke you except out of love for you so that you will fulfill your duty. When you grow up, you will be thankful for this rebuke.
It is a great mistake to think that your teacher hates you because he reprimands you. A student who is insolent and uninformed is not to be prejudiced against his teacher.
- Part of being loyal to your teacher is that you do not forget his kindness throughout your life, even if you have left school or your teacher has quit or traveled to another country, for example. So you should contact him by correspondence, especially on certain occasions. Likewise, if he passes on to the eternal world, you should pray for his mercy and forgiveness and give charity to him.
19. TRUE STORIES
- Imam As-Shafi’i was very civilized in the presence of his teacher Imam Malik, may Allah have mercy on both of them. He said, “I opened the paper in front of Imam Malik slowly because I was reluctant to let him hear the sound.”
- Ar-Rabi’ b. Sulaiman was one who held his teacher Imam As-Shafi’i in high esteem. He said, “By Allah, I dare not drink water while Imam As-Shafi’i is looking at me, because I fear him.” His teacher loved him very much and said to him, “O Rabi’, if I could feed you with knowledge, I would give it to you.”
- Harun Ar-Rashid gave his two sons, Al-Amin and Al-Makmun, to a very clever teacher named Al-Kisaa’iy. One day the teacher stood up to leave their place. So the two children raced to get their sandals and hurried to give them to their teacher. Then the two agreed to give the sandals, one sandal each. Ar-Rashid heard of this and sent for him. Then he said to him, “Who is the most honorable person?” Al-Kisaa’iy replied, “Amirul mukminin.” Ar-Rashid said, “No, the noblest person is the one for whom the children of Amirul al-Mu’minin compete to get his sandals.” The teacher felt bad and thought he was wrong and wanted to stop them from doing it again. So Ar-Rashid said, “If you had forbidden them, I would have reprimanded you severely. Those two children did not do anything to bring down their status, rather it added to their glory. I have rewarded them with 20,000 dinars for their good manners, and you with 10,000 dirhams for your good education of them.”
4, It is narrated that Harun Ar-Rashid sent one of his sons to Al-Ashma’iy to teach him knowledge and manners. One day he saw him making ablutions and washing his feet while the caliph’s son poured water over his feet. So he rebuked Al-Ashma’iy for that saying, “I sent him to you so that you could teach him and educate him. Why don’t you tell him to pour water with his one hand and wash your feet with his other hand?”
20. WHAT ARE YOUR OBLIGATIONS TO YOUR FRIENDS?
You must observe friendly manners towards students who study with you in the same school, especially your classmates, because the bond of teaching unites you and them. So they have rights that go beyond those of any of your other friends. So practice the following manners:
- You should respect those who are older than you and love those who are younger than you. You cooperate with them in maintaining order and tranquillity and in study time or during breaks and in pleasing teachers wherever possible. This is done by fulfilling obligations such as memorizing lessons and being diligent in studying, providing books and notebooks and study tools, and keeping them safe from damage and clean from dirt, and attending school regularly every day before class time. You or one of your friends should take the place of an absent teacher whenever possible, so that the lessons do not stop and there is no chaos in the classroom. Of course, your teacher is very happy that you are keeping the rules.
- It is also good manners if you like good for your friends as much as you like it for yourself. As the hadith says: “None of you believes until he loves his brother as he loves himself.”
You should be lenient with them in all matters and treat them with kindness and a smile. You help them obtain their needs and avoid things that can cause quarrels and hatred. So do not be stingy with them if they borrow something from you. Do not be arrogant towards them or envy them or lie against them or divide them. Do not constrict them in their seats or break their utensils or hide some of them or speak ill of them or argue with them without good manners or joke with them out of turn. For that causes enmity and malice.
- You should pray for them when they are absent. In the hadith: “The prayer of a Muslim for his brother who is absent is mustajab. An angel is on duty near his head. Whenever he prays for good for his brother, the assigned angel says: Amen, for you it is like that.”
You should accept their forgiveness when they apologize to you for their wrongdoing. And reconcile them when there is a dispute between them.
Allah says: “Indeed, the believers are brothers, so reconcile between your brothers” (Al Hujurat: 10). | You should compete with your friends to memorize the lessons and understand the issues in order to put into practice the words of Allah Ta’ala: “And for such should people compete” (Al Muthaffifiin: 26).
You should help the weaker among them to learn and not be proud of them for memorizing lessons and understanding quickly. You should hold scholarly discussions in your spare time, for this pleases your teacher.
It is also good manners if one of your friends is confused about something and asks the teacher about it, so do not get angry with him or ridicule him, but listen to the teacher’s answer so that your understanding of the problem will increase and your friend will be happy with you.
- If you practice this courtesy towards your friends, then there is no doubt that they will respect and love you and try to defend you and avoid harm from you and consider you a truly loyal friend to them. They will be happy to be friends with you and you will be happy to be friends with them. On the other hand, if you abandon this courtesy, then they become your enemies and do not like to meet you. Then you become alone and lonely like a bird with a broken wing.
- O civilized student, if you find among your friends a student who is unruly, disobedient to his teachers and does not fulfill his duties, then you should avoid befriending him so that his evil behavior does not spread to you. It is true when the poet says :
Verily, character steals character, and whoever keeps company with a bad person is infected with it.
- When you leave school, one of the rights of friendship is not to forget your friends, but to preserve the times of friendship and the days when you were a student. You single them out among your other friends with more respect and kindness than others. Such is the loyalty among brothers.