Akhlak lil banat Volume 1
What does a woman have morals with?
- A girl should have good morals starting from her childhood so that she can live as a person who is loved in her teenage years, namely: loved by her Lord, loved by her family, and loved by all mankind so that she can gain peace in her life.
- A woman must also avoid all bad manners, so that she does not become a woman who is hated by her Lord, not loved by her family and not loved by all mankind so that she is miserable in life.
- A civilized woman is a woman who is able to love her parents, her teachers, all her ikhwan, all her akhwat, and also love everyone who is older than her. A civilized woman is a woman who is also able to love all her junior ikhwan and akhwat and love everyone who is younger than her.
- A civilized woman is a woman who is honest in every word she says, always tawadhu (humbles herself) in front of others, does not boast, is patient with all suffering, does not like anger and complaining, does not break the bonds of brotherhood with other sisters, does not argue with each other or make enemies with them, is ashamed to do bad deeds even when she is alone because she only fears her Lord, always listens to the advice of her parents and all her teachers, always has good manners in every situation: when eating, walking, talking or sleeping.
- A lancing woman is a woman who has no manners with her parents, teachers, and does not love someone older than her, does not love someone younger than her, lies when speaking, raises her voice when laughing, likes to berate, speaks dirty, likes to argue or quarrel, breaks promises, mocks others, is proud of herself, insults fellow women, likes to slander, is not ashamed to commit vile acts, and does not listen to advice.
A woman must be civilized from her childhood
Fatimah was a little girl, but she had manners. Because of this she was loved by her father and mother. Fatimah was also an intelligent child: she liked to ask questions about things she did not know.
One day, Fatimah went on an excursion with her mother in the garden. Then she saw a very beautiful rose tree but the rose tree was crooked. Fatimah said: How beautiful this tree is! But why is it crooked, O my mother? The mother replied: it is because the farmer did not pay attention to its firmness when it was young, so it became crooked. Then fathimah said: Wouldn’t it be nice if we straightened it up now, but the mother smiled and said to her: That does not matter, my daughter, because the rose tree is already big and its trunk is already hard.
Likewise, a girl who does not have manners from her childhood is unlikely to be civilized in her teenage years.
The Favors of Allah SWT
- O you noble woman: first you did not exist in this world, then your Lord created you and beautified your form by giving you two pairs of eyes that you use to see everything, giving you two pairs of ears that you use to listen to various sounds, giving you a tongue that you use to speak, giving you two pairs of hands that you use in every activity, giving you two pairs of feet that you use to walk looking for something that is beneficial to you and at the same time you use to walk away from everything that harms you.
Allah ta’ala says: (It is Allah who has brought you out of the wombs of your mothers, knowing nothing, and has made for you hearing, sight and a heart so that you may be grateful).
- Then your Lord did not create you like an animal that has no mind, rather it is your Lord who gave you a mind that is used to distinguish between good and bad, between good and ugly, and it is He who has inserted compassion and love in the hearts of your father and mother, so that they both educate you with a good education. He is the Lord who has given you all the blessings such as: the blessings of health and affliction, the blessings of eating and drinking, and the blessings of sleep and rest.
What is your duty to your Lord?
- You already know how Allah has bestowed you with great favors, so you must be grateful for these favors by worshipping and glorifying Him, fulfilling everything you have been commanded to do, leaving everything you have been forbidden to do, loving Him more than you love your father and mother, and loving Him more than you love yourself, asking Him for everything good, praying always to be guided to the path of goodness and salvation, and praying to make you one of the good women, happy in this world and in the Hereafter.
- If you are grateful to your Lord, fulfill all his commands, then Allah SWT will love you and make all mankind love you, protect you from all harm and suffering, and give you everything you want and add His pleasures to you, as Allah has said in the Qur’an:
(if you are grateful, then I will increase my favors upon you)
- You should also love His angels, messengers and prophets and love His righteous servants, because Allah SWT loves them.
A righteous daughter
Khadija was a righteous daughter: her father, mother, and all her teachers loved her, all her companions loved her, and every woman wished she had a daughter like Khadija. One of her habits when she went to bed was: chanting the name of her Lord, thanking Him that she would be protected throughout the day from all harm and suffering by saying: In Your name Lord, I live and I die. When Khadija woke up from her sleep, she also mentioned the name of her Lord, thanked Him for the pleasure of sleep that rested her from all her weariness, and restored to her a sense of vigor, saying: Praise be to Allah, the One who brought us to life after we died, and to Him we will be resurrected.
If Khadija wanted to eat, she would pray first: In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. And when she finished eating, she thanked Allah for the blessing of eating, because she knew that it was Allah who had made the food she ate for her by saying: All praise be to Allah, the One who has given me this food and provided sustenance without any effort on my part.
Khadijah also did not neglect to perform the 5 daily prayers in congregation at all times, fasting in the month of Ramadan, reading the Qur’an. She was also afraid to do bad deeds, either when she was alone or in front of people because she knew that Allah would always see her in every place.
It is undeniable that Allah is pleased with Khadijah and Allah will include her in heaven because Khadijah is a righteous woman.
What are your obligations to your prophet?
- Know O daughter that just as you are obliged to glorify your Lord, Allah SWT, so it is also obliged upon you to glorify the prophet Muhammad SAW and his family, filling your heart with love for him, so that your love for him is far greater than your love for your parents and yourself. This is because it is the prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) who has taught us the religion of Islam and it is because of him that we know our Lord, distinguishing us between halal and haram. It is mentioned in the hadith: “not one of you believes so that I am loved more than his son, his parents, and all the people”.
- Indeed, the signs of your love for your Lord are: You love your prophet and follow him as Allah ta’ala says: (Say if you love Allah, follow me, then Allah will love you). Improve yourself with all his advice, all his advice is very valuable. Anyone who follows his advice will be shown the path of goodness and kept away from evil, and can lead to happiness. Follow the Prophet’s example, for his manners are so good that Allah, the Almighty, has praised Prophet Muhammad in His words: (And you are truly of noble character). It is even mentioned in the hadith: “My Lord has educated me, so he has improved my education”.
A little bit of the morals and advice of the prophet Muhammad SAW
- The Prophet Muhammad SAW is the best human being. He was very humble and qana’ah with what he had, never asked for something from others, never envied what others had, he said: “Qana’ah is a treasure that will never disappear and a treasure chest that will never run out”. And mentioned in another hadith: “never ask others for anything”.
- Prophet Muhammad SAW was also a very generous person, he never got angry, never insulted someone. He said: “anger can damage the order of faith, just as vinegar can damage honey”. He was also patient in all calamities and sufferings, forgiving everyone who hurt him, even to the point of praying for that person. He said: “Forgiving nature will increase the glory of a servant, forgive each other, then Allah SWT will glorify you”. He was also very humble (tawadhu) with children and the elderly, when someone called him, he immediately replied: “Labbaika (I am coming to fulfill your call)”. And it is mentioned in the hadeeth: “The trait of tawadhu will increase the honor of a servant, tawadhu each other, then Allah will love you”.
- Prophet Muhammad was an honest and trustworthy person, he strictly prohibited lying, betrayal, and breaking promises. He said: “The signs of a hypocrite are three: when he speaks, he lies; when he promises, he breaks; and when he is trusted, he betrays”. The Prophet Muhammad was a man of great compassion and love: he never harmed a human being or an animal, loved the poor and needy, gave generously to them, always answered their calls, liked to eat with them, always visited some of them who were sick, never refused someone who asked him for something, and if he did not have something, he would promise to give it at another time, he said: “Those who love, will be loved by Ar Rahman (Allah SWT)”.
- The Prophet Muhammad was very fond of a servant, never yelled at him, even ordered us to forgive the servant if he made a mistake, he also ordered us to love small children, even when he was praying and then heard the sound of a baby crying, then he immediately accelerated his prayer. It is said that one day, Sayyidina Hasan RA – when he was still a child – came to the Prophet Muhammad SAW and he was praying. Then, Sayyidina Hasan climbed on the Prophet’s back while he was prostrating. Because of this, he prolonged his prostration as a form of mercy to Hasan RA until he got off his back. The hadith states: “He is not one of us, who does not love the little ones among us, and does not honor the old among us”.
A little bit of the morals and advice of the prophet Muhammad SAW
- The Prophet Muhammad SAW also always improved interactions with his companions: always smiling in their presence and always mediating between them, always initiating greetings and shaking hands, prioritizing them over himself, so that they loved him more than they loved themselves and their children. The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) was also a person who highly respected neighbors, always ordered to do good to them. He said to one of his companions: “If you cook soup, then multiply the water and give it to your neighbors”. He also liked to entertain a guest, he said: “Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should honor a guest”. He also improved his relationship with his entire family. He said: “Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, keep in touch”.
- Prophet Muhammad (SAW) once recalled a promise of friendship in the past after the death of Sayyidah Khadijah RA: if he slaughtered a sheep, then he would distribute the meat to Khadijah’s relatives. It is mentioned in the hadith: “keeping promises is part of faith”. The Prophet Muhammad (SAW) was a person who liked to organize all his activities and then complete them, he said: “verily Allah has written the goodness of everything”. He was also a person who likes cleanliness in several things, such as: his food, his clothes, and his residence. He also commanded cleanliness as stated in the hadith: “cleanliness is part of faith”.
- When the prophet Muhammad SAW was walking, he never turned his head to the right and left, if he did not eat until he was full. He said: “Indeed, the most satiated people in this world will be the ones who will feel the longest hunger on the Day of Resurrection”. If the Prophet was speaking, he would only speak as needed. It is mentioned in the hadith: “whoever wants to be silent, he will be safe”. The Prophet Muhammad (SAW) was also a person who always guarded his time, then used all his time to obey his Lord. He said: “contemplate 5 things before 5 things: “your life before your death”, your health before your illness, your free time before your busyness, your youth before your old age, your wealth before your poverty”.
Manners for Girls in the House
- A girl should observe good manners in her home: respecting her parents, respecting her brothers and sisters and respecting everyone in the house, not doing things that anger one of them, not fighting with her older sisters, not fighting with her younger sisters, not taking her dolls without permission, and not hurting her servants.
- A girl should also play within the rules: no shouting or inappropriate movements, especially if one of the people in the house is asleep or sick. A girl also does not play with anything harmful, such as: dust, fire, and dirt. If she has a doll and her little sister asks for it, she gives it to her gladly and does not forbid it so as not to cause her mother to cry.
- A girl should also pay attention to the cleanliness and order of her house, namely by sweeping the rooms of the house, not spitting and throwing ripples on them, not dirtying the doors and walls, always taking care of the equipment of the house by not breaking containers, window and door glass, always making her bed, cleaning her bed especially if she wants to sleep or get up from sleep.
- A girl should also take care of all the trees in her house: watering them at the right time, not changing anything about them, and being gentle with all the animals in the trees, by not forgetting to feed and water them, being careful not to torture and hurt them. It is mentioned in the hadith: “A woman entered Hell because of a cat, because of a cat”.
Aisyah is a woman with manners
Aisha in the house was an example of manners and order: Aisha took a bath every morning and evening on her own without prompting from anyone, nor did she linger in the pool because she knew that lingering in the pool was against manners and could be harmful to one’s health. She also paid great attention to the cleanliness of her clothes and books and placed them in an orderly manner in a special place, nor did she throw ripples on her clothes or even on the wall, but rather she threw them on a handkerchief. Aisha was also very particular about combing her hair, but she also did not stand in front of a mirror for long.
Aisyah always goes to bed early and wakes up in the morning, then she takes a shower using soap, makes wudhu and performs the morning prayer in congregation with her family, then shakes hands with her parents, brothers and sisters, then reviews her study material. After that, Aisyah had breakfast and prepared to leave for her school.
One of her other manners was that Aisha always shook hands with her family every evening and did not enter the room of one of her family without permission, she did not like to sit and joke with her servants nor did she like to tell others about what was happening in her house, she never left the prayer or delayed the time of prayer and always listened to all the advice of her father and mother.
Because of this, ‘Aisha won the approval of her parents and her entire family and she lived with them happily and joyfully.
Zainab and the Activities of the House
Zainab was a smart girl. From her earliest childhood, Zainab always loved work and abhorred laziness, always helping her mother in every activity of the house. When her mother cooked food or made bread or washed clothes or was busy with stitching, Zainab always approached her and watched her so that she could follow her or imitate her and when her mother ordered her to do something, Zainab always fulfilled her mother’s call as soon as possible, even sometimes her mother ordered Zainab to buy necessities for the house and advised her to stay in touch with her neighbors and friends. Zainab never refused her mother’s orders, so she gained her mother’s pleasure.
It didn’t take long for Zianab to become a woman who was good at all the activities of the house, and she took over her mother’s position, while her mother rested from all the activities, so you are like this very proud daughter.
Your Loving Mother
- Know, O young woman, that: your mother has been exhausted in educating you from your childhood to your adulthood. She was patient with you and very happy with you; she never loved anyone more than she loved you; she also hoped that you would be the best woman. She carried you in her belly for 9 months, then breastfed you, took care of your body and clothes, always prepared a clean bed for you to sleep soundly, then she taught you to walk and talk. What a mother’s joy when you start walking and talking.
- Your mother takes care of you all the time: every morning she wakes you up from your sleep, cleans your body, your face, and your eyes, then dresses you in clean clothes, combs your hair, and prepares your breakfast. And at duhr time: I always prepare your lunch. At night: she also prepared your dinner, and she always guarded you from anything that would hurt you whether you were walking, sitting, playing, or fast asleep.
- Your mother is a person who will always be happy if you are happy and your health is very good, and she is a person who will feel sad if you are sad or your health changes, then she prays to Allah to heal you from all your illnesses, she always does something that can bring you health and her sadness will not disappear except when you have fully recovered.
- A poor woman came to sayyidah Aisha RA: She brought her two daughters, then she always fed her daughters three times, the poor woman gave each of her daughters a date and she herself lifted one date to her mouth to eat. Then her two daughters asked for dates from her, so she had to split the dates that she wanted to eat for her daughters. Sayyidah Aisha was made happy by this, then Aisha told the Prophet with her story. The Prophet said: verily Allah has given him paradise because of his love for his two daughters.
- Na’imah was a woman who obeyed her mother. Therefore, her mother loved her very much. One day, Na’imah fell ill. So there was a look of sadness on the mother’s face until tears fell on both cheeks. The mother could not fall asleep and did not eat except a little. Then the mother always prayed to Allah to give healing to the daughter she loved so much until Na’imah returned to health. The mother felt very happy and her love for Na’imah increased.
A Daughter’s Love for Her Mother
Shofiyah said to her two sisters: today we will play more quietly and peacefully than usual because our mother is sick. They went to the courtyard: they played there without raising their voices. And when their father came from the store, he saw them in this condition: he was happier because of them.
As for their brother – Saniyyah – he went to the pharmacy to buy a medicine bottle. Then he brought it to his mother and said: Please, O my mother, take this medicine so that your pain will go away quickly. The mother sat down on her bed and said: Your kind and honest dealings with your mother are one of the best medicines for me. Therefore – God willing – I (mother) will be well in the near future.
Your Loving Father
- Know O daughter: that your father is just like your mother, he goes out of the house all the time patiently feeling tired, hot, and cold. What is it all for? None other than to earn a living to give to you, your mother, your brothers, and your sisters. Then the father has bought you clothes and food and everything you need. When you asked for something that would benefit you, he never forbade you, rather he would give you what you wanted and he was happy.
- Your father wishes for you to live a life free from all harm and illness. Therefore, he always forbids you from anything that might harm you and tells you to take care of your health so that you do not fall ill. If you fall ill, then he feels sad for you and even calls a doctor for you and he buys you medicines and he does not care about the cost of your health.
- Your father thinks about your education all the time. Therefore, he sent you to school and bought you some books and learning equipment so that you would learn and your morals would be educated and so that in the future, you would become a woman who was perfect in her morals and manners, beneficial to herself and to her people.
There was a father who had a daughter whom he loved very much because she always followed his advice. One day, the daughter went against his advice. She liked to mix things up when she ate, even eating without rules. Then the father warned her about it. However, the daughter did not listen to her father’s words until she was afflicted with back pain. The father finally called a doctor for him. After the doctor finished examining the child’s pain, the doctor wrote down the names of the medicines. Finally, his father bought the medicine at a pharmacy at a very expensive price. Even the father also handed over expensive wages to the doctor. However, the father did not care about this because he really hoped that his son could recover quickly.
When the son saw his father’s affection, his eyes welled up with tears of happiness and his heart was filled with joy. After a few days, the son recovered from his illness and promised his father to always carry out his advice and no longer disobey all his commands so that the son felt healthy and lived in peace.
What are your (daughter’s) obligations to your parents?
- If you know the trouble your parents have taken to educate you and know how much they love you, then how will you repay them? Of course, you will not be able to repay them unless you observe the following manners:
- Always carry out their orders with love and respect and always do everything that makes them happy: by doing good to them. Allah SWT says: (do good to your parents), always smile in front of them, shake hands with them every morning and evening, pray for a long life for them both in good health and afiyah, take care of your books and clothes, take care of all your equipment, put everything in its proper place, try to review your lessons, do everything that can make them both happy in the house and outside the house.
- Avoiding anything that may hurt them both: do not raise your voice above theirs, but speak to them with gentle speech. Allah SWT says: (do not say “ah” to them and do not bully them both, but say to them with noble words). And do not whine to them in asking for something especially when in front of a guest, if they both forbid you to ask for something and get angry with you: do not get angry (cranky), do not look at them both with a sharp look or with a grim face, do not grumble at them both, but be silent and accept all their advice with happiness and joy. Also, avoid lying and abusing them. It is mentioned in a hadith: “One of the major sins is the reviling of a child by his parents”.
- A man came to the Prophet (SAW) and asked: O Messenger of Allah: who is the person who deserves my honor? The Prophet replied: your mother. He asked again: then who? The Prophet answered: your mother, then asked again: then who? The Prophet answered: your mother. Then asked again: then who? The Prophet answered: your father. A daughter who always treats her parents with good treatment will get the pleasure of Allah and the pleasure of both parents. It is mentioned in the hadith: “heaven is on the soles of the mother’s feet”.
Manners of a Girl towards Her Sisters and Brothers
- Be polite to your sisters and brothers because they are the closest people to you after your parents. Your parents are pleased with you when you are polite to your brothers and sisters. Respect your brothers and your big sisters, follow their advice, do what they tell you to do and do not be stubborn with them, love your brothers and your little sisters, be careful not to hurt them with blows or insults, break the bond of brotherhood, change or borrow their toys without permission. The Prophet Muhammad (SAW) said: “the one who does not love the little ones among us and does not know the rights of the adult children is not one of us”. And the Prophet said: “It is not permissible for a Muslim to exile his brother for more than three days. If a Muslim alienates his brother for more than three days and then dies, he will enter Hellfire.”
- Be tolerant of your brothers and sisters. Do not quarrel with your brother or sister when entering the bathroom or during a game, or when sitting on a chair, and so on. Be patient, forgiving, and not quick to anger. If your brothers and sisters do evil to you, then do not do evil to them in return, but be tolerant of them.
- Do not joke too much with your brothers and sisters, for excessive joking can lead to resentment and quarrels. If you see your brothers and sisters doing things that are not suitable for them, then advise them gently and do not burden them.
- It is undeniable that your parents are very happy with you. If you follow these manners. Therefore, live with your brothers and sisters in peace and happiness.
Two Sisters Who Love Each Other
Ruqayyah and Maryam were two sisters: they loved each other and kept each other company. They both went to school together and returned from school together, helping each other in reviewing the books, memorizing lessons both at home and at school. And in their spare time they both play and joke together.
One day, Ruqayyah bought an apple from a variety of fruits. Then she asked her mother, saying: O mother, tell me where is my sister Maryam? Because I want to divide this apple between me and her. The mother was very happy and told Ruqayyah that Maryam was in the garden.
Ruqayyah immediately rushed to the garden and found her brother collecting flowers. Maryam wanted to make a bouquet out of the flowers. So, Ruqayyah gave her an apple and she smiled and felt happy. Maryam thanked Ruqayyah for her kindness and gentleness. Because of this, Maryam gave a bouquet of flowers to Ruqayyah saying: and this is my gift to you, my noble sister. Maryam was pleased with this and Ruqayyah said: thank you very much O my brother.
That’s how these two sisters lived in peace and happiness.
Manners of a Woman to Her Relatives
- A sensible daughter will love and respect all her relatives such as her grandparents, all her paternal uncles and aunts and all her children, all her maternal uncles and aunts and all her children as a form of implementing the words of Allah SWT: (And do good to parents and relatives). They also love her and her parents. A sensible woman will also have the following manners:
- Interact with her elders in the same way she interacts with her parents, her older sisters and her younger sisters in the same way she interacts with her younger sisters, meet them face to face with a kind look when she agrees with them, speak to them with beautiful words, carry out all their commands if they command a command, help them when they need something, ask about them if you do not see them, Do not quarrel with them or interrupt them or be surly in their presence, visit them from time to time, especially during holidays or some occasions such as when one of them is sick or gives birth or is about to travel or when returning from traveling, then you are happy because you see them happy and sad because they are sad, beware of intending to have bad manners towards them because this can cause Allah SWT to be angry, and can also make parents or close relatives angry.
- A girl who is kind to her relatives will live a peaceful life and will be loved, and Allah will provide for her and prolong her life, as stated in the hadith: “Friendship prolongs life”.
Lubna and her relative, Laila
Lubna is a little girl of 8 years old. She is an obedient child to her parents, loved by her family and all mankind, she has a relative named Laila, Laila is the daughter of her paternal uncle, Lubna loves Laila very much, every day Lubna always helps and does good to Laila. Lubna was very happy to meet Laila.
Lubna has good manners and good manners. Therefore, Lubna did not scorn her sister, Laila, even though she was a poor girl, even though Lubna respected Lila and always made her feel happy. If Laila needed school supplies, Lubna always borrowed them, and if Laila wanted to borrow something from her, Lubna did not act as a bribe to Laila.
One day, a teacher ordered all his students to buy a book of morals for girls. Lubna bought two books. Then, Lubna gifted one book to her relative, Laila.
When the teacher heard the news, he was very happy, and expressed his gratitude in front of his friends, and motivated them to emulate Lubna’s excellent behavior or morals.
Manners of a Girl to her Servant
- Your servant is the one who is always busy in your house, cleaning the utensils, sweeping the yard, cooking your meals, washing your clothes, helping your mother in her busy life, always being ordered for mom’s needs, going to the market every day to buy meat, vegetables, spices, and so on.
- If you want your mother to be happy with you, then be kind to your servant, if you want to order him, then use gentle words, if the servant makes a mistake, then tell him his mistake in a smooth and gentle way then forgive him. In the past the prophet Muhammad SAW had a servant named Anas. The Prophet never bullied or scolded him. A man then asked the Prophet: How many times do we forgive a servant, O Messenger of Allah? The Prophet replied forgive him 70 times in one day.
- If you do something contrary, such as breaking a vessel or changing utensils, and your mother is angry, then tell her that you did it and ask her forgiveness, and do not disown your servant and accuse him of something he did not do, and do not lie and harm others. When you call your servant and he does not answer you at once, do not scold him, lest he should not hear your voice. Likewise, if you order him to do something and he is slow, then do not be hasty in scolding him, for perhaps he has an excuse. Do not hit, revile, and bully, and scowl at a servant. And there is no one who does this except a daughter of bad character who likes to hate all people. You know, daughter, that you do not know how much you need a servant except when your servant is out of the house, so that your mother feels tired and distressed. Therefore, treat your servant with good treatment so that he remains at home and helps your parents. And know also, daughter, that all servants are human beings like us. They can feel like us, so we are not allowed to forbid them and act arrogantly towards them.
- Do not sit with a servant, and do not converse with him except as needed so that you do not take on his disposition, and do not joke with a servant, for that is what makes him bold with you, and sometimes you hear bad words from him.
Halimah, Zubaidah, and a servant, Muti’ah
Halimah is a civilized girl. All her friends, her father, and her mother love her very much. Halimah has a sister named Zubaidah. However, Zubaidah has bad morals. Therefore, her father, mother, and everyone who knew her disliked her.
In Halimah’s house there was a servant named Muthi’ah. The servant always accompanied Halimah, namely when they both went to school, and when they both returned from school. The servant was very fond of Halimah because she always treated her well: Halimah never looked down on her nor was she arrogant to her. However, the servant disliked Zubaidah so much, because she was always mean and hurtful to him that his heart became narrow and he was unable to be patient with the things that hurt him. Then the servant resigned from his job, thus making Halimah and her mother very sorry for the exit of this perfect servant from the house.
A few days later, another servant was hired in his place. However, it turned out that the servant was ill-tempered and rude and as usual, Zubaidah hurt him and sometimes even hit him and mocked him, and spit in his face so that the servant had a grudge against him. Then finally he stole Zubaidah’s jewelry and ran away from home. Zubaidah cried because she lost her jewelry. But her crying did not benefit her. Then her father and mother gave Zubaidah a severe punishment. In the end, Zubaidah has begun to repent of her bad behavior.
This is the retribution of a daughter who abused her servant.
- Your mom and dad love their neighbors, and they want you to love your neighbors because they love your parents, and they always help their parents when they need help. Your mother sometimes borrows some equipment from the neighbor, and vice versa, the neighbor also borrows some equipment from your mother.
- Every good person will love his neighbor, and the neighbor will love him enough to catch a thief. When a person comes from a journey or gives birth to a child, how the neighbors come to his house to show their happiness at his coming from a journey and the arrival of a new child. If he falls ill, they are saddened for him and even come to visit him and ask about his condition and pray for his health.
Girl’s Manners to Her Neighbor
- You should love your neighbors, respect them and not harm them such as insulting them, belittling them, raising your voice when they are asleep, stoning their houses, defiling their yards and walls. It says in the hadeeth: “Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, should not harm his neighbors”.
- If you want to meet the children of the neighbors, then start with greetings, smile in their presence, play with them, and take care not to quarrel with one of them, if one of them is not seen, then ask about him, if someone is sick, then visit him, if your mother gives you a food or fruit and then your neighbor comes, then do not forget to eat with him.
- Listen to the story of Salma and her neighbor, be like Salma, so that you become a noble and honorable girl among all people.
Salma and her neighbor Su’ad
Salma is a girl who has good morals, all mothers really hope to have a daughter like Salma. Salma had a neighbor who loved her, and the neighbor also loved Salma. During the school holidays, her father wanted to take her to a zoo, then Salma said to her father: O father, I will go with my neighbor, Su’ad because I will not be happy unless I go with him. Her father was very happy with her good behavior.
When Salma and her neighbor arrived at the zoo, they both looked at the amazing variety of birds and some strange animals.
After a while, Salma said to her neighbor: now that we have seen all the animals in the zoo, do you want us to go back soon? Her neighbor replied: yes, my good neighbor and I will never forget your kindness to me. Then Salma asked her father to return home immediately.
When Salma reached her home, she told her family everything she had seen. They were so happy for Salma that they were grateful for her love for her neighbors.
Before going to school
- A girl should always love order and cleanliness: getting out of bed every morning, bathing with soap, wearing a clean towel, then doing ablutions and praying Fajr prayer in congregation, shaking hands after prayer, combing her hair, wearing clean and neat school clothes, then reviewing the subject matter she learned before going to bed.
- Then have breakfast in order to be strong for activities and so as not to need food outside the home like some girls who have breakfast at home, organize their equipment in their storage after looking at the learning schedule so as not to forget a book or a list, then ask permission from both parents to go to school, then leave the house before entering the class so as not to be late.
Manners for Walking on the Road
- The female disciple should choose the path that is closest and safest, and she should walk straight: she should not turn her head to the right or left without a need, she should not move in ways that are unbecoming of her, she should not speed up or slow down, she should not eat or sing, and she should not read a book while she is on foot.
- avoiding mud and dirty things so as not to fall and get clothes or shoes dirty, avoiding being pushed so as not to collide with someone, not losing her tools. The girl student also does not walk on the right side to avoid collisions with vehicles, does not stop in the middle of the road to look at the shop or anything that catches her eye, does not limit her gaze to windows, doors, or people passing by, does not stop one of her friends just to talk idly.
- When meeting a weak or blind woman, help her as much as you can; when walking with one of her friends, do not joke with them; do not raise your voice when speaking or laughing; be careful not to mock someone or swear at them. These are all bad habits that are contrary to shyness and good manners.
Manners of Girls in School
- When the girl reaches her school, she should clean her shoes with a cleaner, then go to her class, knock gently on the door, enter the class with manners, greet her friends, shake hands with a smile and say: may Allah make your morning good and happy, then put her bag in the desk drawer. When his teacher comes, he stands up from his place, welcomes him with manners and honor, and shakes hands.
- When the bell rings, he should hurry to class and sit straight and solemnly: not talking to his friends, not playing, not turning his head; he should enter the class after the teacher’s instruction with good manners and rules; he should go to his seat and sit properly: he should sit straight and not bend his chest; he should not move his legs; he should not crowd with others; he should not put one foot on top of the other; he should not play with his hands and put them under his cheeks. A female student should also refrain from writing while reading, and refrain from taking notes while writing, not splashing ink on the floor, not dirtying her fingers or her clothes.
- When seated, a student greets his teacher, remains silent to learn, does not turn his head to the right and left, does not engage others in conversation or make them laugh as all these things can hinder understanding, does not forbid his friends, thus making the teacher angry and causing him to miss lessons and even fail exams, does not move from his place to another without permission, does not busy himself with other lessons during learning.
How do female students take care of their belongings?
- A female student should take care of her utensils by putting them in their proper places so that they do not change or get lost or dirty, and so that she does not get tired when she needs them and lose time looking for them, by always brushing her books and notebooks so that they do not get torn and dirty, and by not licking her fingers when she wants to turn the pages of her books and notebooks because this is a bad habit, contrary to good manners, and harmful to health.
- A female student should also take care of her pencils so that they do not fall out and break, if she wants to sharpen a pencil, then do not sharpen it on a chair or do not sharpen the pencil with the covers of her books and notebooks, but use a pencil holder or knife, and do not suck the pencil with her lips or erase the writing with her saliva, but use an eraser, or dry the ink using her clothes, but use a small towel.
- How girls take care of their school supplies
- Just as a girl student should take care of her utensils, she should also take care of the school utensils so as not to change or dirty the seats, benches, and chairs, not to sit on the walls and doors of the school, and not to break the glass, not to dirty the yard by not spitting and snotting on it or throwing away pencil sharpener marks, not cutting up papers in the courtyard, but throwing them in the special waste basket, not playing with the school bell, not writing on the school board or changing the blackboard eraser, and if a female student wants to enter her division, then clean her shoes with a cleaner first.
Manners of female students towards their teachers
- Truly you women love your parents very much: for they have both educated you at home. So, love your teacher because she has educated you at school: she has educated your morals, taught you knowledge that is useful for you, advised you with useful advice, because she loves you so much that she hopes you will become a smart girl with good morals.
- Respect your teacher as you respect your parents by sitting in front of him with politeness, speaking to him with adab, if he is talking, then do not interrupt his conversation, but wait until he finishes his conversation, listen to the lesson that is being delivered by him. If you do not understand something, then ask him about it gently and respectfully, by raising your right index finger first, until he gives you permission to ask, do not ask questions except on the topic being studied, if he asks you something then stand up and answer the question with a good answer and with a clear voice and according to the question, and do not answer if the teacher asks another student because that is not adab.
- If you want to be loved by your teacher, then do your duty, namely to be present every day at a certain time, do not miss lessons, do not be late for class except with a valid excuse, rush to class after recess, and avoid being tardy, if your teacher blames you, If your teacher blames you, then give reasons that can cancel it out, understand all your lessons, perpetuate memorization or muthalahah, pay attention to the cleanliness and order of your books and equipment, submit to all your teacher’s instructions with all your heart, not because you are afraid of punishment. If he punishes you, then do not be angry with him, for he will not punish you except so that you will fulfill your duty, and this is very beneficial for you, and you will be grateful for it when you grow up.
- It is undeniable that along with the teacher’s teaching you, he loves you very much, and he hopes that this teaching will benefit you. Therefore, thank him for his sincerity in educating you, and do not forget his kindness forever. On the other hand, a female student with corrupt morals will always be angry when her teacher teaches her and will complain to her parents.
Manners of female students towards their friends
- O clever girl, you study with your friends in one school, just as you live with your brothers in one house, so love your friends as you love your brothers, respect those who are older than you, love those who are younger than you, support each other during study time to listen to the teacher’s words, keep the rules, play with them during recess in the schoolyard and not in class, avoid cutting, quarreling, and shouting, and avoid games that do not suit you such as high jumping and running that can harm you.
- If you want to be loved by your friends, then do not be stingy with them if they want to borrow something from you, because stinginess is very bad, do not be arrogant with them if you are a smart or diligent person, or rich, because arrogance is not a good character of girls. If you see a girl who is lazy, then advise her to be diligent and leave being lazy or stupid, help her to understand her lessons, or you see a poor girl, then pity her and help her according to your ability to help.
- You should not hurt your friend by making his place narrow or hiding his tools or opening his wallet without permission so that you are known as a thief or a traitor causing your teacher to punish you, people to avoid you. Also avoid turning your cheek at him or looking at him with a sharp look or being prejudiced against him or hurting him by blowing or making noise in his ear because all these things can hurt him. The hadith states: “A Muslim is one who guards his tongue and hands”.
- If you borrow something from him, do not change it or lose it or defile it, and return it as soon as possible and thank him for his kindness. When you speak to him, speak softly and with a smile; do not raise your voice or make a sour face. Avoid disputes, anger, resentment, foul language, lying, reproach, duplicity, and do not swear even if what you say is true. Avoid cheating on your friend’s imla or insya lessons, for this is not trustworthy. Indeed, you do not know the loss caused by cheating except when you do not pass the exam, so you regret it uselessly.
Manners of Returning Home
- When the dismissal bell rings, hurry to collect your books and notes and organize them neatly in your bag, being careful not to leave anything at school that could cause you to lose it and not be able to review the lesson at home. Also avoid being slow in putting your equipment in order so that you fall behind your friends and can change the rules of their exit from class and can cause them to be late to go home and in the end they get angry with you and waste your teacher’s time.
- Wait for your teacher’s order to get out of class, then get out of class with good manners, do not push anyone, walk straight with shame and dignity on the road so that you reach home safely, do not accompany except with a woman who is civilized, do not stop on the road to play or look at the scenery. If you want to buy school supplies, then there is nothing wrong with that, as long as you do it quickly and keep time.
- Keep to the time of your return home because your delay in returning home causes worry in your family, especially your parents. Therefore, do not rush after leaving school except to your home. If you are invited to visit your closest relatives or friends, then you should ask your parents’ permission first so that their hearts will be at ease with you. If you are in the habit of going out in the morning with one of your neighbors, then do not forget to call him home because this is one of the fulfillments of the rights of kinship and neighbors and abandoning it causes anxiety and rudeness.
- When you reach your house, shake your parents’ hands, then hurry to your room and put your bag in the closet or in a special place. Avoid turning your bag upside down or putting it where it doesn’t belong so that you waste time looking for it. Then go to the bathroom and make ablutions and pray the noon prayer in congregation. After lunch, take a short break, then review the material you have learned today, and learn yesterday’s material again, then prepare for tomorrow’s lesson without needing someone’s supervision but you supervise yourself in doing your obligations.
The coveted female student
Radiyah is a girl who is loved by her family, her teachers and even her friends because she is diligent in learning and diligently comes to school every day at a certain time, she always honors her teacher, obeys all his orders, and has good morals with everyone.
Radiyah likes rules and order in everything, always keeping her time, not wasting time in useless things because she that her father sent her to school to study so as to become a smart woman, understand her obligations, able to manage all her own affairs.
One day, Radiyah forgot that her book was still in the house and she remembered her book when she arrived at school, then she returned home immediately to get the book so that she did not come to the lesson without a book which caused the teacher to be angry and her understanding of the lesson was missed.
When Radiyah was about to enter the school, she looked tired because she was walking too fast. Then the teacher asked the reason for her tiredness, then Radiyah conveyed the facts that happened. Then the teacher said to her: okay, but don’t forget for the second time, look at all your equipment before going to school.
A girl listens to her teacher’s advice, so that afterward, she never forgets her tools.
The Hated Girl Disciple
There was a woman who had a daughter with bad manners, who used to fight with her female friends at school because sometimes she would slander them and sometimes she would mock them, boast to them, and steal their equipment. When his teachers disapproved of his bad manners, he was so stubborn and ill-mannered that all his teachers were angry with him and no one wanted to be friends with him. One day, he came to school and his clothes were dirty, his equipment was not complete, he always did not memorize his lessons and even could not understand them because he himself did not listen to the teacher’s explanation, and always did not attend school for several days a month.
Eventually, when the headmaster learned of his bad behavior, his lagging behind in learning, he expelled him from school. After some time, his mother died, and he became poor: he would wander around in the heat begging people for a few dirhams, and he regretted his ignorance and lack of morality as a child. However, his regrets were useless.
Nafisah and her mother
When Nafisah was six years old, her mother offered to send her to an Islamic school for girls. She refused and said: What is the benefit of going to school, O mother? It is better for me to stay here (at home) so that I can play with my dolls and my paintings, then her mother replied and said: You are poor, my child. When you know some of the benefits of schooling because you are young, then listen to your mother’s advice:
You should go to school every day so that you know your obligations towards Allah, your parents, and all mankind, and so that you have noble character, know useful knowledge that can make you happy in this world and in the Hereafter. The Messenger of Allah (SAW) said: Seeking knowledge is obligatory for every male and female Muslim.
Know that the most appropriate time to learn is your current time, be serious in seeking knowledge, do not waste your time, so that you will regret in the future, while regrets are useless as well as those stupid women who did not want to learn in their childhood, so they are very sorry.
After nafisah listened to her mother’s advice, she immediately rushed to the school with a feeling of joy, she always tried and persevered, so that she became the girl student who had the best morals, knew the most lessons, and loved her teachers the most.
General Advice (1)
- O noble daughter, when you ask someone for something, especially your mother, do not say to her: give this, do this, but use manners by saying: please forgive me, do like this, then thank her for her help to you by saying: thank you, or I thank you very much, or may Allah reward you with goodness.
- When someone speaks to you, listen to him fully and do not interrupt him, but wait until he has finished. If you come across a saying or story that you have heard, then do not say to him: I have heard this story. This is so that his heart will not be hurt.
- Keep your teeth clean by using miswak or toothbrush every day, especially after eating, so that your teeth look clean, not dirty, and healthy. It is because of this that you will not complain of toothache. Do not suck your finger, cut your nails with your teeth, or put your index finger into your nose or ear especially when in the presence of people.
- One of the bad habits is that of a girl who wants to see or watch other people’s secrets, so she tries to spy on the news of others in order to find out their secrets. If she sees two women talking, she listens in on their conversation. If he sees someone else’s letter, he immediately reads it without permission, or even asks him: Where did this letter come from? What news does it contain?
General Advice (2)
- One of the bad habits is when a girl uses someone else’s book or pencil without his permission, or finds a lost item and takes it for herself, while it is her duty to return it to its owner. Another bad habit is borrowing something and then changing it, or not being happy to give it back to a friend. This is an act of betrayal.
- Another bad habit is when a girl is asked to answer she just moves her head or palms and also rushes to answer when it is not her job. In addition, a bad habit is chattering or talking a lot.
- One form of disgrace is when a girl neglects to comb her hair, clean her clothes, clean her body (bathing) so that she looks messy and dirty or even neglects to cut her nails so that they become long and there is dirt under the nails, or does not change her clothes, so that a bad smell comes out of her.
- Stay away from games that can harm you such as sand, fire, and dirt because playing with sand can harm your eyes and even cause eye pain and blindness, and playing with fire can burn your clothes and burn your body, and playing with dirt can cause scabies and itching. Do not skate on stair railings lest you fall and break or injure one of your limbs, and do not play in the hot sun so that the color of your skin may change or even give you a fever and headache.
- Take care of your health by taking a walk in the fresh air every morning so that your body is healthy because a healthy mind is found in a healthy soul. Breathe in fresh air with your nose and not with your mouth. Avoid unhealthy air, do not eat food that is open so that lizards, rats, or other harmful animals can crawl on it, do not eat unripe and rotten fruit because it is harmful to your health, but eat ripe fruit after washing it well, do not drink murky water, do not invite mosquitoes that can bite you, Do not be like the greedy women who always eat from food bought from the highway that is placed in dirty containers contaminated with dust and flies and has been touched by many dirty hands. If you want food or bread, then buy it from clean vendors or ask your mother to make it at home.
- One of the habits that is harmful to morals is for girls to play with boys, so stay away, O daughter, from everything that is false, play with educated women, do not play like the games of boys or like their movements or their words because you are girls who were created by Allah to be women who have purity and shyness, You are a girl created by Allah to be a woman who has chastity and shyness, and to carry out certain duties, to manage the home, to educate her children, so that they become men who are beneficial to their mothers and women who are beneficial to their people, love your home, and get used to managing the home from childhood, look at the righteous women who like to manage the affairs of the house: how they live happily and joyfully.
- One of the good habits for girls is to save and be frugal, so make it a habit to save and be frugal from your childhood, avoiding waste and squandering money. When your father and mother give you money, spend some of it on things that benefit you, and save some of it in a savings box; do not buy things that are not useful, and do not need so much that you are forced to go into debt to your friends when you need something so that you become accustomed to going into debt. This is a bad and harmful habit.
As for the woman who is sensible, she will be happy to save money, and she will not like to squander money. Therefore, she will not need to go into debt so that she can live in peace and will become a woman who is an economist who will know how to spend money, how to spend it, so that she is always happy, happy, happy and full of joy.